Happy Labor Day to all you American-born Psyhighians!!! Today is a day for relaxing, lazing around in the last days of autumn heat, and generally being as useful/productive as a sack of potatoes. Well, normal potatoes. As we all know from the Freshmen year's required class "Not What They Seem", there's an exception to every rule. Even potato rules. Wow, I just realized how dorky that sounded. Like, OMG, seriously.

Anyways! "Matching by Mattie" would like to release its sincerest condolences to those who got caught in the Jell-O Locust Storm around 10:00 pm last night. The first round of the Arena of Intense Competition got a little out of hand when an inanimate object animator, an insect influencer, and a cyclone creator were the last ones standing in the battle royale. I can assure you that my roommate's pet baby monster is on duty right now eating up all the excess Jell-O and locusts. Can I even call that reptilian beast a baby anymore? It's a lot larger... and moodier... and it clashes with ALL of my outfits somehow... I think it might be a pet teenaged monster. Then again, I don't care what it is as long as it's cleaning up the school and not burning my perfected clothing collection you primitive people call "an over-stuffed closet". I'm pretty sure @*Atlantica* is on clean-up duty too, that girl is so handy to have around. And she REALLY likes Jell-O.

Oh, and can we have a round of applause for our half-time cheerleaders? They were wonderful! Of course, they weren't as pretty as me, but they were quite impressive. @Scilph's electricity havoc... the twins Atlantica and Pacifica doing gymnastics and luck tricks... @Nobody disappearing from the ground and reappearing on the top of the pyramid... the pyramid of Giza that is. No idea how she got there. Good job girls! It was a pleasure manipulating you! I-I-I mean working with you! *nervous laugh*

In the end though, what's important is who's in and who's out! Reviewing the first round footage and calculating the value of the gems the boys got me (tbh, the sapphire the size of my head is my favorite. It really brings out my eyes!) I have eliminated 50 boys from the competition. All those eliminated were immediately sent a rejection letter, which contained a pheromone that'll make plants hate them for the next month. Don't give me that look, I warned you all there would be consequences! They'll just have to deal with vines tripping them for a while, idk why they're being such babies.... The top 10 boys from round 1 however will get an advantage on round 2's competition. What's round 2? IT IS A SURPRISE! Keep your ears open my fans, soon I'll announce when and where. There's only 3 rounds in this epic event, so don't miss it! Love and War are humanity's favorite hobbies after all!

Until then, we'll just have to distract ourselves with waiting for @Scilph to finish her wonderful drawings. What can I say? The vain are impatient.

With love,

-Mattie

(P.S. Somebody stole some of the gem weapons/armor that we used as models for the Jell-O weapons/armor. Please return them immediately, or the 52nd Dimension tribes will raid the school tomorrow. Apparently they were religious artifacts or something. Honestly, they would be better off worshiping nicer things like gorgeous people *flips hair* but war chieftains don't listen to reason.)

What? How... how did I get into a dressing room? Atlantica? How did you get into a cheerleader outfit? ("I don't know, and I don't care!!!!! Come on @Scilph and @Gretel! Let's go ENTERTAIN THE MASSESSSSSSS!!!!!!!") *the girls run away cheering*

Wait... I'm in a cheerleading outfit too? And... I don't care. Weiiiird. I actually want to go out and preform. It's like... something's in my head. Oh, hey @Nobody. Ready to... uh... cheer? ("Um... I think so. What's going on?") I don't know, but I'm sure we'll regret it. LET US GOOOOOOO!!!! *runs screaming onto field*

{OOH! MASON GIVES JAY A LEFT HOOK WITH HIS TIGER EYE JELL-O KNUCKLES! ANDERS TAKES A SWIPE AT THEM WITH HIS DIAMOND JELL-O SPEAR, BUT MISSES! OH MAN, NOW BRAIN'S IN THE FRAY! WHOA, THAT IS ONE BIG QUARTZ JELL-O MACE! WOW!} *AIR HORNS*

Wuuuh... Morris, do you have the feeling to get into the Arena and entertain everyone with a unique halftime show?

{...Not particularly. Is Mattie using subliminal messaging? I'm sure my tinfoil hat is helping with the situation.}

I do have a strong desire to help little old her in any way, shape, or form.

~Ahh... I'm not giving up my hat. Morris, do you have any leftover tinfoil?~

{GAH! I'M ALL OUT!}

I know what I will do! I will wear a "fantabulous" cheerleader outfit and do a cheer with @*Atlantica*, @Pacifica, @Gretel, and @Nobody!

{SCILPH, NO! AS MUCH AS I WANT TO SEE YOU IN A CUTE CHEERLEADER OUTFIT, NO!}

~Pervert.~

*click*

IT HAS BEGUN! WE ARE ON THE SCENE... LIVE!

184 boys (two quit earlier after they found loopholes in the waivers. Darn lawyer children.) have delved into the 52nd dimension or whatever that big icky hole over there is and they are beginning to return!!!!!!!!!!! The crowd is cheering (led by our beloved @*Atlantica*, you go girl) and already we've been fined by the school security trolls for noise violations. But the sacrifice is WORTH IT FOR LOVE!!!

I, the great prize for this competition, am looking lovely! What with my sparkling, apple cider colored dress, with a sweetheart neckline and perfectly applied make-up! *Ava starts talking to Mattie sarcastically* No need to be rude Ava! Like, what I'm wearing IS important to those who are following the event from computers and/or radios and/or mental wave-length 00192005! *Ava speaks insistently* Fine, fine, I'll talk about the boys. Gosh, you are so pushy Ava! I'm the manipulative one here you know, not you.

The first boy to fully remove himself from the hole is Reggie Richardson, with beautiful blue eyes and magnificent hair. Unfortunately, something he saw in the hole has obviously attached itself to the back of his neck and is attempting to suck out his soul. Oop, nevermind, he removed it. Points off for letting his hair get messed up though. LOVE TIP #4533333, never EVER let your hair get messed up! Even if it means death! It appears Reggie has secured a *gasp* beautiful fire opal for me!! Oh, he really knows how to make a girl blush! Oh... but it's a very small one. Reggie, sorry hun, points off for this dinky little thing. (I ALMOST DIED.) Yes, and you'll almost die again if you don't run and get your Jell-O weapons and armor. Go on! Run along! Don't you have the powers of super speed or something? *uses subliminal messages* +And don't you want to win... for meeee?+ *bats eyelashes* (Al-Alright. I'll-I'll do that I guess. For you. Why does my head feel funny? *falls onto face*) Hmm. The battle royale may take longer than I thought. At least the crowd is excited... maybe I'll make my friends do a half-time show or something until the others get here. Oh Scilph! Morris! Attie and Paci! Gretel! Nobody! *Subliminal messaging* +Wouldn't you like to help out little old me?+

With love (LIVE!),

-Mattie

Dear Somebody,
This is slightly terrifying, er, exciting!! I'm at the Arena sitting with everyone, eating sprinkles. The match has just started; they have chosen their jewels and are now crafting Jell-O weapons!! Two boys completed their weapons before everyone else, and they've now teamed up to pommel everyone else!! And when they're almost the last two, one will betray the other! I think. Wait no, one just got Jell-O'ed. *crowd roars and @Morris's air horn goes off* I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!

This is so exciting!! The guy sitting next to me thinks so too! I keep forgetting his name. But he's one of the guys who asked my advice for getting out of the Arena. I'm not sure he's supposed to be here, actually. But still. He brought me sprinkles!

*crowd roars again and @*Atlantica* and @Scilph shout*

Whoa!! The guy with the emerald just used a force field to destroy someone's Jell-O weapon! And now he's taking everyone out!!
*air horn goes off again*
Someone used invisbility to sneak up on him! He's out!!!

Something else happened, but I forgot what it was. Oh well. Maybe The Guy Sitting Next To Me will remind me. He's been very polite about that, and doesn't get frustrated when I forget things. Like his name. He also got everyone some Jell-O cup refills and brought me another jar of sprinkles.

I'd better go so I can be properly horrified by the Arena in all it's gory gelatin-ness. Er, I mean, enjoy it.

Farewell for now,
Nobody

*through a mouthful of cookies and Jell-o* {This event is horrible. Wow, I hate this idea. Yeah. It sucks. *crunch* Why did I come here?}

~To eat Jell-o and watch guys being beaten WITH Jell-o?~

*swallow* {Exactly. Such an amazing spectacle that will start in 20 minutes. I'm SO excited.}

Uwaah! We are here at The Arena of Intense Competition! The Jell-o Attie brought is splendid. ("Thanks, bestie!") And these "Poomb-Poombs" are also wonderful!

{Pom-Poms.}

Yes. Indeed. Poomb-Poombs. Any-the-ways, I am sure that after this, I will indeed get a real gem weapon. If Mattie would only let me. I tried to walk into her Dressing Room (which was so filled with perfume and Michael Buble music I nearly VOMITED) and ask, but she was busy putting on make-up. She had two "gentlemen" "show me the door". I saw the door just fine. When I was being shoved through it. Mattie has gotten a very swollen head... and her outfit was so... so... uhm *cough* indescribable.

~It was revealing, to say the least. My cousin is such a--~

*LOUD AIR HORN* UWAAH! THAT IS LOUD! MORRIS, DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN!

{Eralonia needed a censor. And I will be blaring this thing throughout the entire match.}

*sigh* I will get earplugs later... Attie, did you bring any along with your Poomb-Poombs? ("Hee-hee-hee! Nope! Sorry, Scilphy!") Oh, well. Any-the-ways. I am quite excited for the actual match. This will be quite funny to watch! I will be wishing these poor boys luck.

*click*

A song for our brave competitors:

You're trapped now,
You can't squirm your way out.
In Mattie's web you've fallen,
It's too tangled to escape from.
So tighten your belts,
And put on a stoic façade.
There is a great prize to win!
And to the losers, great shame.

Prepare your minds.
Prepare your hearts.
Prepare your powers,
The battle will soon start.
Anything goes,
So be wary of your fellow man.
The crowds are waiting for you,
Go give them a show they won't forget.

This is the most exciting thing ever to happen besides that one time I went to buy ice cream and I was "lucky enough" *wink* to be his 100th customer and got a FREE TUB OF ICE CREAM!!!!! I love spectator sports! Is this classified as a sport? Maybe we should call this a coliseum event! Either way, it'll be soooooo fun!!!! I was so excited, I showed up to the Theatre of Soon-To-Be-Tragedies three hours early! And Pacifica came with to keep me company!!! ("That, and I was afraid you'd eat all the Jell-O." Oh please Pacifica! I'm much more refined than that! "Then why are you eating one of those mini Jell-O cups right now?" SHHHH! Paci, they can't see that! You're embarrassing me in front of my friends! "Whatever. I'm going to go see if those poor students constructing the stands need help. They look rather confused by the dark matter." Okay, bye Sea Anemone!!!!! "Don't call me that.")

As my sister helpfully pointed out (she's so silly) I've got all sorts of snacks with me in preparation for this epic event!!! Jell-O, cookies, sodas, ice cream... yum! And - this is the bestest part - I've got all sorts of cheering thingies!! Pom-poms... blow horns... small devices that emit pops, bangs, and rainbows that I borrowed from one of the classrooms... and posters! I have one for each of the 189 boys competing, because they're all my besties and I want them all to win!!! Hmm... @Matching by Mattie will need a giant limo to Homecoming!!!!

I need to glue some of these sparkley Dragon Scales onto my posters (thanks @Nobody!!!!!). But feel free to come sit with me at the competition!! This will be double fun with my besties sitting next to me as students pummel each other to submission! School is so much FUN!!!

*This message was originally formatted for a flyer, but has been revised for electronic devices also. You're welcome*

GIRLS! BOYS! OTHERS!
Are you ready to witness a battle royale? Of course you are! At around 6 pm, in the tragedies-to-be theatre, the first round of the Arena of Intense Competition will begin. Competing will be 189 wonderful gentlemen from our school campus (it was originally 274, but a lot of them dropped out due to "unforeseen circumstances". LAME! Like, this is a Psychic School guys, nothing is unforeseen!). They will delve into another dimension, pick the prettiest jewels they can find for ME, and then BEAT EACH OTHER TO SUBMISSION WITH JELL-O WEAPONS. The Jell-O will obviously correspond with their choice of gem. Like, duh. The top 10 gelatin warriors will get a reward, and the 50 worst will be humiliatingly ELIMINATED. The rewards and punishments are still being worked out, but, like, they're going to be, like, so cool. Tickets will be sold all day and night before 6 pm, and stands are being constructed for spectators to perch in! Just be careful to perch lightly, these stands are made from dark matter and negative energy. If you guys don't show up, I'm, going to be, like, totally vengeful and broken hearted. *sad face* Come on out and bring a friend, this will be a Homecoming event you won't forget!!! It's time to FIGHT FOR WHAT you've been subliminally manipulated into thinking YOU LOVE! <3

With love,

-Mattie Darling, the ultimate hostess/prize