School Store Oddities

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Lucas Arrum
- 12/2/2020 11:34am

Would you mind dropping this magic ball off later? I'd like to inspect it some.

Lia Bezos
- 12/2/2020 8:44am

I’d like to add to this: You know those little rubber balls with our logo on it that no one ever buys? They’re not normal. Last Tuesday, My mom accidentally gave me extra lunch money, so I went to the school store. I got a box of pencils (I was running low) and still had 50 cents left, so I got a ball. That was a bad decision. I was bouncing it during study hall, when it bounced so high, it crashed right through the ceiling. I got detention for “disrupting the peaceful aura”. I wasn’t disrupting it! The magic ball was. When I got home, I put it in the very back of my closet. I’ll never touch it again.

Lucas Arrum
- 12/1/2020 12:44pm

Alright, item number three! This time it's a tiny airship from Zephyr Air Transport. It's fully functional and even floats. It's shockingly heavy too. I dropped it and it cracked the floor. The weirdest part is there are people on board. Tiny people, like Gulliver's Travels. They're all alive and sentient, and they don't seem to mind that I have purchased their airship. I was told not to feed them as they already have food on board. Speaking of which, cafeteria staff, please notify me if you find any tiny men running around.

Lucas Arrum
- 11/30/2020 10:11am

Alright, this time around it's a copy of some Vanilla Ice board game. That's normally weird enough in and of itself. Seriously, who makes a board game about Vanilla Ice? The goal of the game is to rap along to the beat and score points. I unboxed said item and forced a couple friends to play with me.

It uh... it didn't go very well.

Right off the bat something happened. My friend started out with the line "Thinking of buildings. Yeah, thinking of buildings." A loud crash alerted us and brought us outside. Apparently, a house had flown through the cafeteria. Luckily, nobody was hurt. He followed it up with "I'm rappin' to the knight, singin' in the twilight." Suddenly, the sun sped up. In just a couple of seconds the sun vanished behind the horizon. All of the clocks had adjusted accordingly. And apparently a man in steel armor on a horse has been harassing the student body recently.

Further experimentation revealed that any nouns spoken while playing would cause them to become real. Maybe we should've figured that out before "A flock of angry turkeys," "living dodgeballs," "an enormous steak" and "a giant ogre." This time around, there was no instructions. fine prints, etc, so I basically went in blind. Steak will be served outside the school when we finish dealing with the ogre, the dodgeballs, and the turkeys.

Lucas Arrum
- 11/25/2020 4:03pm

Alright, Item Number One: A tinfoil hat.

Supposedly it's made of pure tin foil and helps increase resistance to any sort of psychic attacks. I bought it and took it home with me, wearing it throughout the day.

I would not recommend this product. It kept squeezing my head and groaning. I took it off and I'm pretty sure there was an eyeball on it. I'm no expert, but I'm 99% sure tin foil doesn't have eyes.

This was directly taken from the sign next to it.

"Hey you! Yes you! The guy reading this! Yeah that's right I see you! You've got a problem. You're a psychic boy and you've got all these crazy powers. Unfortunately so does everyone else. But not to worry! This hat, made of pure tin foil will protect you from any unwanted intrusions! Just put it on and enjoy the solitude that you deserve in your own head! Refunds will not be granted and in purchasing this item you agree that it is not our fault if you experience any bleeding, nausea, headaches, paranoia, death, or brain control."

That last bit was tiny fine print. So anyway, anyone wanna buy a hat?

Lucas Arrum
- 11/25/2020 3:55pm

I'll be making this a collection of the weirdest things I've seen hawked at the school store.

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