I love you fictional side and all
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Scilph 10/2/2015 6:33pm
Confusion. It spreads across my mind, quicker than light. There's something, something nagging. What did I forget? Like someone I know... someone I once knew... Hm. I can't remember. A thought at the tip of my tongue, but cannot form into words. Forgetfulness. I've always had a bad memory.
What was I talking about?
What did I forget... a light memory, text on a page, a person, a screen, characters whom I invested in. Characters whom others probably invested in. Did it matter to them like it did to me? Who knows. I couldn't break character. An unwritten rule.
A rule of what? I can't remember.
A place... a place where anything we typed came to be. If I wanted to be something, I would be her. Someone with a past like hers. A future. A life. A life like who's? I can't remember.
It was wonderful, really. I loved it.
I could be more than one person. Hell, I didn't even have to be a person. There were no boundaries. A white cat. A ghost. A failed science experiment. A black box. I loved it. But I can't pinpoint who I was, or what I was doing. I was talking. Running. Crying. Playing the ukulele. Wearing dresses. Laughing with people whom I spent hours of time with, but never saw their faces or heard their voices or knew who they were.
Was it real? Maybe a dream. I think it was a dream.
I can see my real self now. Sitting at my computer, thinking of what words to use. What do I look like? What do you think? Do you still see me as the person I said myself as? A hazy figure in your mind, and outline, a silhouette. I've said how tall I was, what color my hair is, what I wear and such. But that isn't me. That is...
Who was it again?
I'm not sure it matters.
I forgot all the lines I rehearsed about typing, I forgot every last reason why I wrote this. Should I have left you in the dark?
No... No, I don't think the happy one would have allowed it. I remember slight traits about these characters. The happy one... her name was an ocean. And she had a strict sister, who had the patience of an ocean. I'm sure these two were the same person- in more ways than one. Maybe the bossy one as well... the one who loved attention. I don't know.
There was also the one who forgot, like me. Sort of. I'm not her. And there was another who lived in the walls... or maybe even was the walls. As well as the quiet one who sang, who called out to me, bringing a whisp of me back, back towards who I posed as.
They do that often. I did that often, with the one who slept for what felt like a thousand years. I'm sure you remember.
There were some other characters... they didn't stay for long. They evaporated not thin air, maybe once or twice making a post, but otherwise... these were the ones I remember the most.
I remember a few things about them. I remember we made so many intricate stories in this place, every word typed so carefully. I knew they enjoyed it. They anticipated every post. The lingered on the text box, spending so much time writing with me- no, her. The character.
When I- she, when she looked at the Journals, she felt like she was the queen, because she posted the most. Because she was at the top of the list. She felt like the main character in this story.
It's coming back to me.
But I don't need to tell you- you already know.
I don't want to know your true identities. I loved experiencing these stories through Scilph' s eyes. I loved reading each new post, and seeing all of you writing so carefully, caring about what you said.
My fascination to this universe is lost, dulled down by real life. I have spent so many hours staring at my computer, so much time reading these stories and keeping myself from the world. You have missed me, and I am sorry.
I will not continue to write. I will not continue tailoring to this universe's stories and being the hero. I will meet be someone who watches from the side, uncontributing, alone, content.
I do not want those who still exist here to leave because of me. I want you to make this place thrive, to bring life to your words and meaning to my message. Let this place flourish.
Remember me. Remember me not just as Scilph, not Morris, nor as Eralonia or Blackie.
Remember me as Alex. Remember me by my real name, but keep the people I have created in your hearts. Remember me as little girl who helped bring up our little place and did a little something to make it a lot more.
Thank you all for enriching y experience her. Atlantica and Pacifica, thank you for showing me how to experience joy, but know when to be calm. Thank you Mattie, for showing me love is everywhere. Thank you Nobody, for showing me someone invisible can be a Somebody. Thank you Gretel, for helping me let my heart sing. Thank you Jessica Moon, for showing me true friendship. Thank you everyone for noticing me.
One more thing...
Sorry I broke character.
Goodbye, and thank you.
jessica moon 10/9/2015 10:36am
Hello Alex, Scilph, Morris...etc...
I want to say how much I adored your posts. You are honestly a creative, beautiful person whom I adore so very much. Out of all honesty, I am seventeen and was unable to say goodbye. I was sent off for doctors to figure out the absurdities inside my mind. They told me specifically : "No technology", "No friends", "Only recovery". Of course I had disobeyed them, finding ways to return to Psyhigh just to check up on you. I had thought of you as a little sister, one I wanted to care for.
Anyways, my first name is Jessica...However, my last name is much different. A name that traps me in this dull reality that sucks the color from our lungs turning us into mindless drones.
Please, I wish you well. If you have kik and need someone, I am here. Kik me at negativezerox. If not, I understand.
Please stay strong, be brave when bad things fill up your skies...wherever you are, please always remember you are something beyond the ordinary.
Your stories were not just stories. Your thoughts are not just thoughts. They are an alternate world for you to escape too...
Never lose them.
I love you little sister, even if you are older than me.
Use your spirit, and make it through the boundaries we call life.
Add a journal entry to I love you fictional side and all