As my Interplanetary Internship wound down I was really looking forward to getting back to a normal routine, being on campus, enjoying my dorm room and taking classes. No more pool cleaning in sub zero temperatures! No more getting kidnapped by green and purple blobs! No more almost unleashing unknowable powers of evil from a dwarf planet's core!

But now that I'm back, I'm bored.

And not only am I under a psychic NDA (the kind where you *literally* can't talk about something), but when I see Buffy Chan in the cafeteria or library she pretends like nothing even happened. I mean, she told me it would be that way, being as she's my Psy Corps handler now and nobody can know.

"Hi Buffy! Anything... interesting going on?"

I give her a big wink I'm sure nobody else can see.

"Well, we went to the Tri-City Spirit Team tournament and guess what we got first place in Competitive Temporal Pyramid Modeling! And that was even though Mad Scientist High obviously had some kind of gravitational wave cannon under a tarp in the back of a pickup truck they were using to try and disrupt the other teams. You?"

"I accidentally stepped on one of those giant invasive slugs and it's still stuck all over my shoe."

"Oh that's a shame. They're so intelligent you know."

"...."

"Uh, I really should be going. See you around!"

"Yeah. See ya. Buffy."

I was late for Transpatial Awareness, cutting through the Sound Garden behind the library.

"Wait! Hold up!"

I froze rounding the corner around a sound sculpture.

Nobody was around.

"Whew! Thanks for that. Just stand pat. You were about to step on me."

Below me, in a clump of winter grass and mud, was one of those giant invasive slugs. They've got dozens of multi-colored sensory tentacles so they are easy to spot. If you're watching where you're going.

"I, uh, didn't know you could talk."

"Nobody does! Or at least it's not common knowledge."

We looked at each other for a moment.

"Well, you're invasive! You're, I don't know, not supposed to be here. You're messing up the eco-system. Wait! Are you dangerous?"

"Ah, heck. We ain't dangerous. We're just misunderstood."

I realized I was talking out loud but receiving messages telepathically.

"Hey I'm receiving messages telepathically."

"Now you're getting smarter. Smarter than that @Level 8 Bouncy House and that @Level 9 Bouncy House and all those other bouncy houses. They can't hear a thing. Plus they're too soft to bounce us out of anything."

"Well... why don't you just leave? Why are you causing problems?"

"Ah, you see, kid, problems are relative. And we've got a problem you might be uniquely suited to help us out with."

Oh jeeze here it goes again. Just when I thought I was bored. This really isn't what I was looking for.

I really take offense to the term “invasive” because the connotation is not accurate in the case of me and my and my fellow giant intelligent slugs. We may visit new territories, but we don’t ravage or destroy or otherwise imbalance them.

Well, at least not ecologically.

On behalf of all the giant intelligent slugs I’d really like to thank @Clark Thompson for opening up his dorm room to us all. Unlike your native miniature unintelligent slugs, we don’t necessarily like sleeping in wet peat and leaves every night. Having a nice dry couch and a big screen to plug into is something we’ve really been missing.

So, here’s to you, Clark!

I would like to give my sincere thanks to @oTrknirloo for giving me his location so that I can throw him in the emission tank. I will get you all. HAHAHAHA!

"We'd really like to thank you for helping us out with our problem, Clark, and inviting us into your room."

My room has been invaded by dozens of the giant invasive intelligent slugs. They hang from the walls and ceiling and the light fixture and are all over my couch. I did not invite them in.

"Well, ok, maybe not 'invited' exactly. But can we say you've opened your heart?"

It's impossible to tell which one (or ones?) are talking. Because telepathy.

"We're just so super excited for Psyhigh's Valentine's Dance! It will be a great place for our species to mingle. We just need a private place to practice our dancing."

A few of them are in a circle in the middle of the room, bobbing and weaving and doing their thing. Their multi-colored sensory tentacles move like they're underwater.

"What about those emission tanks?" I ask. "What are those exactly?"

Suddenly all the giant invasive intelligent slugs turn to face me at once.

"DROWN US! ROAST US! HANG US! DO WHATEVER YOU PLEASE," say the slugs, telepathically. "ONLY PLEASE DON'T THROW US INTO THE EMISSION TANKS."

They all keep staring right at me, silently.

Till one starts giggling. It's the one called @iXlrshnoo I think. Then they all start cracking up.

"Awww, we're just pulling your leg, Clark."

It is best to throw those Giant Invasive Intelligent Slugs into the emission tanks @Clark Thompson. They have been multiplying rapidly, and need to be exterminated. You have probably noticed all of the trails that they have been making across the school, or the wilted lettuce leaves scattered in seemingly unnoticeable places. If you do not get rid of them, I will have to go into the registration office to find your dorm-room, and then break into it. As for the emission tanks, it is just a tank that turns anything that goes into it, a vapor, which is then used to power the school. I think that this is the most resourceful way to get rid of those pesky slugs.

i look at the slugs and let out a high pitch scream.And shoves unicorn sparkle up there mouth hehehehe. I look at them they turn around they are beautiful unicorns with golden fur and they brush there sparkly mane.

What’s this about a Valentine’s Dance? It doesn’t sound like a school sponsored event. The posters look like they were drawn by a four year old with a wet brush.

Is anybody planning on going? It’s in Limacidae Hall Friday at 8. And who is the band? It says The Keelbacks but I’ve never heard of them. They sound lame.

I don’t even know what this is. Someone please explain to me what this is.