I answered like the 100th tiny question on the test when it became totally unreadable and even my magic mechanical pencil couldn’t write small enough. I’d had just about enough of taking tests and didn’t I have another class coming up? Did I miss the bell? It was like waking up from a super small dream and remembering where I was.

So I got out @Hector Penman’s Greatly Less Dangerous school map to figure out where to go next but it was ENORMOUS! I folded it out and it filled the room and was squishing the bears in uniforms and the other test takers. One stern-faced bear walked over tut tutting and spanking a ruler in her hand, probably saying “Maps are not allowed during testing periods” or something but it was in Bearish so I acted like I couldn’t understand.

Luckily since I marked my route on the map in fluorescent highlighter it was quite clear it was time for gym, and there seemed to be a short cut if I traveled directly through the map itself, so I grabbed my backpack and scrambled into the worn out creases of the map.

Following the success of Troop 109’s campus tour project, there’s been a great deal of interest in the Spirit Guides and how to "get involved."

While we’re not at liberty to comment on the fundamental Mysteries of the Initiation Rites, we can list the first 10 of the 17 ranks of the Spirit Guides. They are (in ascending order):

Tenderfoot
Daisy
Intuitive-Projective
Bobcat
Bear
Mythic-Literal
Synthetic-Conventional
Arrow of Light
Individuative-Reflective 
Big Cheese

These are of course followed by the Mystery Ranks (levels 11-17) which exist on a vibratory plane too high for unascended ears to comprehend.

If you'd like to learn more about the Spirit Guides, we're having our septennial Jamboree starting this weekend right here on campus! Invocations begin tonight with the rise of the full moon in the Gnarly Grove. We'll have Spirit Guides from around the world staying in the dorms temporarily for the full week of events, so feel free to introduce yourself to one of us to learn more.

If you'd rather just take a campus tour, we'll be meeting up at the bell tower again tomorrow at noon. Hope to see you there!

Thank you for your interest in rituals.

Turns out the big hatch was the floor of the gym, and the gym was filled with Spirit Guides here for a convention. Worse, when it started rolling aside and folding itself beneath the bleachers, all the Spirit Guides were all in the middle of an old timey dance competition and they started falling in!  

Spirit Guides must be used to that kind of thing because they took it all in stride, laughing and whooping it up. 

After the floor got rolled back in place, the Spirit Guides were real interested in me and my journey and they were all “you’ve got what it takes to be a Spirit Guide!” and started to put the pressure on me to join up. What are they some kind of cult? 

They've got all the pantheons represented, so there were different branches like the El Kahir, the Elf Kura, the Za-Ga-Zig, Ásatrúarfélagið, Aztec Reconstructionists, Phi Alpha Omega, The United Lodge of Theosophists, Wang Chung, Wu-Tang, Church of the Palm Wine Drinkard... each group trying to explain why they've got the best path. Now they're all putting drinks with little umbrellas in my hands and starting to duel with each other on the gym floor. Looks like I'm stuck here for awhile.

Have you been to gym class? It was my first time and is it always so chaotic? All these people in different headdresses and what I can only describe as folkloric costumes dancing or maybe fighting with staves and pole weapons and a lot of them seemed drunk.

I got there late and missed role call and didn’t know if I was supposed to check in with somebody and then the bears in uniforms showed up and I just knew they were looking for me so I ducked out of there and hid around the corner near some dumpsters to spend some quality time with @Hector Penman’s Super Useful and only Slightly Dangerous school map and find my way to the next class. Hopefully with fewer bears chasing me.

I'm pleased to report that the septennial Jamboree of the Spirit Guides was a resounding success! Members of all ranks were able to confer, converse, and otherwise hobnob with their brother and sister Spirit Guides from around the world, engaging in fellowship, secret handshakes, ritual duels, and direct mind-to-mind transfer of knowledge too delicate to relate through other means.

Also, new Ascended Masters were selected and transformed, as you no doubt noticed through the cryptographic messaging of puffs of white smoke emanating from the various rental cars parked around campus.

Now that the Grand Host has left and returned to their secret stations across the globe, Troop 109 is ready to turn their full attention once again to the care and direction of Psyhigh's student body.

That's why we're hosting Spirit Guide Spaghetti Night this Thursday in the Grand Ballroom of Osiris! All you can eat! The stake which will be in your hand will be the thigh of Nemu; the fork which will be in your hand will be the fingers of Sokaris; the point which will be in your hand will be the claws of Isis; and the blade which will be in your hand will be the knife of Nemu.

Plus, unlimited garlic bread!

We hope to see you there. Tickets are $5 each, and available from our table in the commons during lunch through Thursday.

And as a special bonus, everyone who purchases a ticket will be automatically entered in our raffle for one free ride on the Sun Barque.

Invite a friend!

I need some SERIOUS help!!! I am a new student, and this is only my second day here. I have little to no idea of where anything is, and would really appreciate it if a guide could help me my first week or two.

I can help you out, @Sweetie! I've found it easy to split the campus into sectors. Dorms and clubs are in Sector I, Administration, classes, and athletics are in Sector II. Sectors III and IV are populated by students from the void, and both are deadly to others. Sector V contains the mess hall, NOT the cafeteria, which is in sector II.V. The mess hall is where psyhigh stores the messes so campus stays clean. The student store and other shops are in Sector VI, which is only accessable via vortex. Sector VII is different. It's more like a zone. This zone goes by many names. The outskirts, the wildlands, Zurnaggg, but is more like the campus commons. The commons have the entrance shaft to the subterainian matinence building. Hope this helps!