HELLO EVERYONE.
WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
AS A BACK-TO-SCHOOL GIFT, WE WILL BE HOLDING A SACRIFICIAL BALL IN HONOR OF PSYCHIC HIGH AND IT'S STUDENTS.
NOW,YOU MIGHT BE THINKING "THIS SOUNDS LIKE A CRUEL CELEBRATION."
WE ASSURE YOU THAT THE ONLY THING THAT WILL BE SACRIFICED IS OUR HARD EARNED CASH AND TIME. THE "SACRIFICIAL" PART OF THE NAME DENOTES THAT IT IS MEANT APPEASE THE TRUE RULERS OF OUR COMPANY, THE CUSTOMER. THE ONLY THING REMOTELY SACRIFICIAL WILL BE THE GIANT BONFIRE FUELED BY TWO METRIC TONS OF COMPANY DOCUMENTS AND BANK STATEMENTS. FEEL FREE TO BRING YOUR OWN, HECK, BRING YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE OR IF YOU ARE FEELING REALLY WILD, YOUR DEATH CERTIFICATE. WHATEVER DOCUMENT YOU WANT TO GO AWAY, YOU CAN THROW IT IN.
NOW YOU MIGHT SAY, "THIS SOUNDS LIKE A DEVIOUS PLOT."
AND WE ASSURE YOU, AS SECURITY HAS INCREASED, OUR DESIRE FOR DEVIOUS PLOTS HAS DECREASED, AND AT THIS POINT, WE ARE JUST SO SICK OF EVERYTHING. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE THE ENERGY TO STEAL YOUR BRAIN OR FRAME PEOPLE FOR CRIMES THEY DID NOT COMMIT OR REPLACE YOUR TEACHER WITH ROBOT CLONES ANYMORE. WE ARE JUST TIRED AND WOULD LIKE TO MAKE PROFITS ,AS LEGAL AND AS INVASIVE AS YOU WANT THEM TO BE(MEANING VERY LEGAL AND VERY INVASIVE). ANYWAYS, WE ARE ARE SORRY FOR GETTING SO PERSONAL, AND WE HOPE TO SEE YOU, HEAR YOU, SMELL YOU, AND TASTE YOU AT THE SACRIFICIAL BALL UPCOMING THIS THURSDAY.

GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR YOU™

QUICK UPDATE ON THE BACK-TO-SCHOOL SACRIFICIAL BALL.
THE DRESS IS FORMAL, SO PLEASE DON'T SHOW UP IN A PINATA SUIT OR BANANA SKIRT , BECAUSE THIS IS A CLASSY EVENT.

GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR YOU™

ANOTHER UPDATE ON THE BACK-TO-SCHOOL SACRIFICIAL BALL:
APPARENTLY, IT IS NOT NEXT THURSDAY. THANKS TO OUR EVENT PLANNER, WE RELEASED THE WRONG DATE.
SORRY
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR YOU™

OK EVERYONE, THE DATE FOR THE BACK-TO-SCHOOL SACRIFICIAL BALL HAS BEEN CONFIRMED. IT IS ON THE 19TH OF AUGUST AND WILL OCCUR FROM DAWN TO DUSK. YOU CAN COME AT ANY TIME AND LEAVE AT ANY TIME, INCLUDING BEFORE THE DATE THE 19TH AND AFTER THE 19TH BUT IT IS HIGHLY SUGGESTED THAT YOU SHOULD BE THERE FROM DAWN TO DUSK ON THE 19TH.

WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THE ADDITION OF A LEVEL 8 BOUNCY HOUSE. WE REPEAT A LEVEL 8 BOUNCY HOUSE.
THIS BOUNCY HOUSE IS NOT GOING TO BE SPECIFICALLY AT THE BALL, BUT WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW, SO YOU CAN SEARCH FOR IT AND CAPTURE IT.

WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE WANT TO HEAR/SEE/FEEL/TASTE YOUR INPUT! IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA OR REQUEST FOR THE BALL FEEL FREE (OR TRAPPED, WE DON'T JUDGE) TO TELL US WHAT YOU WANT!

GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR YOU™

Due to an unanticipated level of interest in the upcoming Back-To-School Sacrificial Ball on August 19th, large construction dumpsters will be placed throughout campus to contain the growing piles of combustible refuse.

If you have placed a stack of old report cards, newspaper clippings, coupons, love letters, works of art, cherished memories, hated memories, hair and nail clippings, old worn out favorite shoes, old worn out favorite jeans, textbooks, gum wrappers, etc, in large unstable piles in hallways and sidewalks, we ask that you remove them and place them in the nearest conveniently located 20 cubic yard construction dumpster.

Please make an entry in the log book attached to each dumpster as to what you are putting in, so it can be accurately identified during the Back-To-School Sacrificial Ball ritual. Or in the case that it moans too loudly from the bin, calling out forlornly in the night. Or begins to wander the school grounds, lost and lonely, or (worst case) belligerently.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

HELLO. WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
DUE TO OVERWHELMING SUPPORT OF THE BACK-TO-SCHOOL SACRIFICIAL BALL, WE HAVE INVESTED IN ANOTHER FEATURE FOR THIS FANTASTIC EVENT.

WE HAVE ADDED A CAKE WALK!
WE WILL POST THE DETAILS HERE FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE:
1. ONCE YOU ARRIVE WITH YOUR CAKE, YOU WILL GET A TICKET IDENTIFYING YOUR CAKE AND THE TIME YOUR CAKE WILL BE ON WALK.
2. THE WALK IS JUST THE TRADITIONAL CAT-WALK, BUT WE HAVE PAID FOR A PROFESSIONAL LIGHT SHOW.
3. EACH CAKE WILL DO THEIR STRUT DOWN THE WALK IN UNDER 1 MINUTE. IF YOUR CAKE GOES OVER THE TIME LIMIT, IT WILL BE DISQUALIFIED.
4. PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHY AND CINEMATOGRAPHY WILL BE TAKEN AND YOU CAN CLAIM THE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS AFTER THE EVENT. IF YOU WANT TO RECORD YOUR OWN STUFF, OKAY, BUT YOUR IPHONE IN THE MIDDLE OF A PULSATING AND SCREAMING CROWD WILL NOT BE ,AS GOOD AS WHAT WE DO. ALSO, JUST ENJOY THE MOMENT. YOU MADE THAT CAKE, YOU TAUGHT THAT CAKE, YOU DESERVE TO SEE THEIR HOMEMADE FASHIONS IN ALL THEIR GLORY, WITH YOUR OWN EYES, NOT THROUGH A TINY SCREEN.
5. ALL FASHION MUST BE MADE BY CAKE.
6. A PSYCHIC SCAN WILL BE DONE TO ENSURE THAT YOUR CAKE MADE THE FASHION. IF THE FASHION WAS MADE BY YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE OR SOMETHING ELSE, YOU AND YOUR CAKE WILL BE DISQUALIFIED
7. PRIZES WILL BE AWARDED TO THE TOP THREE CAKES AND THEIR BAKERS

WE HOPE TO SEE YOU, FEEL YOU, TASTE YOU, HEAR YOU, AND SMELL YOU AT THE BALL, AS WELL AS YOU AND YOUR CAKE DURING THE CAKE WALK.


GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR YOU™

ATTENTION RAINMAKERS!

Due to the unanticipated but in retrospect entirely predictable chaotic nature of this Saturday's Back-To-School Sacrificial Ball, Rainmakers are asked to "take a break" and to definitely NOT "make it rain" during the recently announced Cake Walk portion of the Sacrificial Ball.

While we anticipate that the "Cat Walk for Cakes" will be held underneath the very large tents currently being set up on lower campus, torrential rains could still pose a hazard for unprotected Cakes making their way to and from the venue, or seeking out the roaming Level 8 Bouncy House that's been promised, or perhaps adding their own offerings to the Sacrificial Bonfires, which we still assume to be central to the Sacrificial Ball.

In short, a we wish to avoid a cake-tastrophe involving rain and cakes. All the sweet, green icing flowing down would be unbearable, as we may never have that recipe again.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

HELLO EVERYONE !!

TODAY IS LAST CALL FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BURN IN THE SACRIFICIAL BONFIRE. WE, WELL OUR GREMLINS, WILL BE TAKING THE BINS TO THE DESIGNATED BURN SIGHT AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. THE FIRE WILL LIT PRECISELY AT 3:17 PM ON AUGUST 19TH AND ALL YOUR PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS BURNABLE MATERIALS WILL BURN LIKE SO MANY OF US BEFORE.

SUBMISSIONS FOR THE CAKE WALK WILL BE ACCEPTED UNTIL MIDNIGHT TOMORROW. WE ARE VERY EXCITED TO SEE ALL YOUR SUBMISSIONS.

IT APPEARS THAT NO ONE HAS FOUND THE LEVEL 8 BOUNCY HOUSE, SO, HERE IS A CLUE:

PATHS UNCOVERED NEVER FORGET.
YOUR STEPS FALL WITH PAINED SILENCE, EVEN SILENCED PAIN.
A HOLLOWED HILL ALWAYS KNOWS THAT YOU ARE HERE,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH
YOU
SEE
TOUCH
SMELL
TASTE
FEEL
OR
HEAR

HOPEFULLY THAT IS HELPFUL!! IT HELPS WITH A LOT OF THINGS SO MAKE SURE TO COPY IT DOWN.

WE ARE SURPRISED AT THE AMAZING SUPPORT FOR THIS EVENT AND WE THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! WE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE, HEAR, FEEL, SMELL, AND TASTE YOU AT THIS GLORIOUS EVENT!!

GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR YOU™

I ' M L O O K I N G F O R W A R D T O T O M O RR O W ' S
B O N F I R E .

M Y M O M AN D I E V E N W E N T S H O PP I N G F O R
A S P E C I A L O U T F I T ! I T ' S G O T S P E C I A L
C A M O Q U A L I T Y S O I C A N B E TT E R T R A C K
T H E W I L D B O U N C E H O U S E! I ' V E A LW A Y S
W A N T E D T O H U N T O NE O F T H O S E .

S O RR Y I F T H I S P O S T I S H A R D TO R EA D. I
T OO K A B E T T H A T I C O U L D N ' T S P E A K
A N D W R I T E I N S I G I L S F O R A
W H O L E D A Y . I T ' S N O T T H AT H A R D --
A T L E A S T, N O T F O R K I D S L I K E M E
W H O C A N V E R B A L I Z E L A N G U A G E
S Y M B O L S . T H A N K G O O D N E S S I T OO K
T H A T " O B S C U R E C O M M U N I C A T I O N S"
C L A SS . I T W A S O N L Y A H A L F
S E M E S T E R , B U T I T H A S C O M E I N
H A N D Y A L O T .

A S L O N G A S I D ON ' T A C T I V A T E T H E
S I G I L S I T ' S F I N E . M I R A N D A D I D
E A R L I E R ON A C C I D E N T , B U T S I N C E
I ' M U S I N G T H E S E A S L A N G U A G E
I N S T E A D O F T OO L S H O P E FU LLY
N O T H I N G W I L L H A PP E N . I W O N D E R I F
T H E S E C O M P U T E R S C A N E V E N
T R A N S L A T E S I G I L S ? I K N O W P S Y H I G H
I S A LL A B OU T I N C L U S I V E NESS , B U T
E V E N I T M U S T H A V E I T ' S L I M I T S .

I ' LL J U S T P O S T T H I S A N D S EE W H A T
H A PP E N S . I C A N ' T W A I T T OO S EE H O W
M E SS E D U P T H I S G E T S .

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