For the past few weeks I have been conducting hypno-regression therapy on the cowboy mandroids recovered from Moose City. Many of the subjects' mind states have deteriorated beyond repair, yielding only the most fleeting memory-images.

However, the subject/object referred to as SalOut15 (unearthed 15 feet from the Saloon in the direction of the Outhouse) has proven to be at least lucid under hypnosis, if not coherent.

~Excerpt from interview with SalOut15:

(me) tell me about Moose City

(subject) It was on our very first day, measuring out the width of Main Street, deciding where to put the Bank and the General store, and the provisions are unloading themselves from the ships into neat piles in the meadow, that we see a Saber Tooth Cat pacing near the edge of the woods.

Ol' Chuck (we used our stage names right off the bat, moving into our characters immediately), Ol' Chuck walks out to it and starts to call "Here kitty kitty kitty" and the Saber Tooth reacts badly right away, all growling and crouching like....

Now, we weren't in any danger from that there varmit - we had defensive energy weapons built in, not to mention our generally indestructable design, and hell, I coulda' made a whistle that woulda made that big cat run off to the great Salt Lake. But we all thought it was kinda' a hoot watchin' Ol' Chuck out there playing with it.

Well, Chuck ain't satisfied just teasin' it like that - he wants t'wrastle it. By now some of us are a startin' to think maybe things are gettin' a little outta hand, but it's our first day, see, and nobody wants to start off by gettin' bossy, what with such long mission an' all.

So we're watchin' an' that big ol' saber tooth cat turns out to be bit quicker than Chuck was figurin', and it drags a claw right across Ol' Chuck's face, and just tears the pseudo-derm pretty much clean off.

Now we had the latest quick dry formula a pseudo-derm at the time, and Chuck woulda healed up just fine in about 37 Earth hours, but somethin' in him just got mad an' snapped. I mean Snapped. We watched him grab that animal by the head and just about twist it clean off.
And then he did.

It was just about the most horrible thing I'd seen up to that point. Ol' Chuck just starts rippin' that poor animal apart by hand, blood everywhere, and Chuck's just silent as the grave - no hootin' or hollerin', just rippin' and tearin'. None of us moved in to try and stop him, neither. We just watched till he got it all outta his system.

We hoped.

It was right about then when I started to realize just how far we had gotten from home.

~End excerpt
 

2001-10-29   Missy Templeton

This is my last posting at Psychic High School. My parents are picking me up tomorrow, and our lawyer has already served our complaint to the registrar concerning Big Jim's pattern of life threatening negligence as to the saftey of the student body. I was willing to forgive being marooned in the Argentine desert (the school's settlement fee notwithstanding), but being attacked by hybrid old west action droids with functioning weaponry and malicious intent, recklessly endangering the life of 8 different students in 11 different bodies deserves punitive retribution to the fullest extent of the law.

For those of you that care to keep in contact with me, I'm starting at Mystic High School beginning November 5th. I wish all of you a safe school year, and highly suggest not attending any trips sponsored by or in any way involving the Psychic Outdoors Club.
 

2001-10-25   Fischel

Uh oh - big news throws wrench in this psybot's theories:

Carbon dating of the robot cowboy artifacts says they're from 20,000 B.C.
Other samples from Moose City - wood, newspaper, mechanical horse dung - were also dated 20,000 B.C. Which means the entire town of Moose City, and its robot population, are over 20,000 years old.

So, while the people were first painting on the walls of their caves - these robots were drinking whiskey and playing cards in a saloon?

I'm thinking of using hypnosis on the most promising cowboy-droids.


 

2001-10-24   Kelly Jelly

That's real nice of Mme. 4person to thank me like that, but I have to say I hardly did a thing to help her out. All I did was just stay with her till she got herselves all back together.

In fact, if it wasn't for those huge Beetles crawling up out of the ground and out of the woods, I don't think she would have been rounded up so quickly. I didn't know they had such big Beetles in Idaho - they were like those huge desert tortoises you can ride at Reptile Gardens in South Daktoa? Anyway, they practically herded Madame's 3 dopplegangers back to where we were waiting. Madame Fourperson gave herself a big group hug, and the beetles got real friendly with me - rubbing around my ankles like cats - except huge and with giant black shiny exoskeletons. Everybody else was so busy battling robots and then congratulating each other I don't think they noticed.

So, anyway, glad I was there for you Madame, but you're just lucky Idaho has such big crazy bugs!


 

2001-10-23   Madame FourPerson

I never got a chance to thank Kelly for the special help she gave me on the Psychic ARcheolgy trip. Without her, I may have not made it back completely.

For those of you that don't know, I have the condition known as Quadruplism. That's right - a nervous condition combined with a hyperactive telekinetic/manifestive power means there are 4 of me in attendance at any given moment.

When things started to fall apart there at the end of the field trip, I (the 4 of me) got a little confused and lost track of each other. But Kelly was there - she found me wandering around the edge of town calling to myself - and got me to calm down. And before I knew it, I was back together, all 4 of me.

I don't know how Kelly rounded me all up like that - I was all over the place - but I can't thank her enough. Even after we were all back together she waited with me for the last FTL wagon to ride back. She's the greatest.

SO, thanks so much Kelly!!!! I sooo owe you one! (or 4! ha ha ha ha)

MF
 

2001-10-21   Fischel

Well, these old Cowboy 'bots are certainly a trip.

I've spent some time interviewing them, both verbally (for those with the proper equipment intact) and telepathically (for the more remnant minds), and it's still not clear to me why they were there. That is, I still don't know what they were all doing in Moose City, Idaho in the 1890's.

A few of the robots (cow-droids? cow-bots? animatronic-western-men?) really do think they were cowboys, but it's a pretty thin meme-veneer. They don't have back stories (birth places, childhoods) and are only semi-aware. I've termed these the Reactive Cowboy Propdroids.

There are others, though, who seem to know they were just pretending. Playing the part of the town drunk, or a sheriff's deputy. More like theme park employees or local theater enthusiasts.

These are the specimens I'm concentrating on - trying to get past that fore-brain alphawave activity and find some kind of core truths. They're all pretty much in a state of shock still - memory loops and daydream reruns are all they're running for now. It would take a heavy regimin of both mechanical and traditional psycho therapy to get any of them back into passable order, but that's not my goal at the moment.

And oh yeah - the best part: I get to right it all off for extra credit! Gotta love this school ;) !
 

2001-10-21   ender

I got my restrictors taken off! But then ten hours later they were back on. Also, they are tighter and hurt and I can barely do anything. Everyone in my telekinesis 101 class: I’m really sorry.

I don’t know what Fischel did with the two war robots, but Big Jim sounds kind of angry and I think maybe he should return them before it somehow gets me in trouble like everything else seems to. I just hope they don’t do anything to the two, because they were pretty cool and all macho and gung-ho and they said I was the only guy that had ever been able to touch them when we fought.

Speaking of which, I got psy cleanup in the Krezner drainage room because in telekinesis I got irritated that I had to do lame stuff like move pendulums and all the kids were like “wow I’m sooo good at this now!” and they were moving a pencil on their desk or something (amateurs) and I hadn’t meditated that day so I was angry. So to make a long story short I got up and started making all the desks in the room float, while moving the pendulums and making pencils and books spin and that one guy I don’t like started screaming at me so I blindsided him with a book and his empath friend made me start crying and I lost control of the desks and two or three flew through windows and fell to the commons two stories below and the rest landed on students. So I got taken to the dark rooms under the school with the lead walls. They really mellow you out. Also, the drugs they slip into the air help. So the disciplinary council talked to me and I argued my case (mentioning how I helped out on the trip with the war robots, but not mentioning that I brought them to the school) and they made the choice not to expel me, based simply on the fact that I didn’t kill anyone, which I guess is cool. But it also makes you suspicious, like they don’t want me to leave just yet. That could be good or bad…maybe both. I wonder what Whitney is up to. Maybe he could provide some input.

Why is Gabriel having such trouble finding the school? I found it while I was training with my grandfather and he made a giant energy wave shaped like a hawk and it hit me and slammed through a tear in time and space somewhere south of Lansing, Michigan. That’s when we were moving around trying to get away from the debts my parents had made with the evil ninja clan of southern Idaho. They don’t sound very scary, but they are really strong and I’m glad my grandpa saved me from that one big one that crushed my bike when I was in seventh grade. A teacher saw my bike and gave me detention. Come to think of it, I’ve been getting in trouble regularly for several years. And it generally is only my fault most of the time.

I saw that kitty girl today. Wily had said something about her being odd, but I had no idea she was so much fun. I’m not sure why she let me hang out with her, since I’m only a sophomore, but what the hell. She has this thing about her that makes you all giggly and then you go play in the swamp and snakes and stuff will bite you and you won’t feel it, you’ll just giggle till you pass out and I guess she somehow cures you cause you wake up and you feel even more giggly but kind of subdued. I think I like her, but I’m not sure. I don’t think she would have a boyfriend, but she does have lots of cool tapestries and boots and stuff from all kinds of strange places and times. She even had a magical sword like my grandfather’s, except it was newer looking, like she had just gone to the 11th century and picked it up from the swordsmith Reniel Musashi. And also her grandma seems very…crazy. But also smart. Like those little guys that run the shop in that tree in the woods and they deal in all these weird herbs that have magical properties and- whoops, not supposed to talk about that. She doesn’t strike me as the type to go out on dates, but I wonder if she’d humor me. Kitty, I mean. I dunno though, I’m really busy with the whole studying thing, believe it or not. Plus, she’s older and her grandma seems protective, if not underly enthusiastic about me. Also, Wily said that I could try out around Christmas and maybe make the team. Plus, I’m nearly done with that wall I had to build.

Life is busy. But ice cream is delicious. Except tapioca ice cream. What were they thinking?

 

2001-10-18   Big Jim

I'd like to thank everyone who participated in the Psychic Archaeology Field Trip, and extend a special thanks to those who helped out in the emergency tents upon our return. Everyone arrived back safe and sound, and that's what matters most.

However, I must make a school-wide request for the return of all robot artifacts. Several of the samples we returned with are missing. If you have any of these stolen parts in your possession (or even small robots in their entirety) please return them to the Archeology Lab at once and there will be no questions asked.

Please, please, return these missing pieces as soon as possible. Though they may appear rusty and grizzled, these robot parts are not entirely deactivated and are unpredictable. For your own saftey and the safety of those around you, please turn all parts in immediately.

Thanks for your understanding,

Big Jim


 

2001-10-17   Ender

Boy, that dig was great! Way to get out to the wild for a little. Also, to see robot cattle rustlers.

First off, Kim, thanx for the film cooler thing. The FTL trip was pretty hard on me, seeing as all the students got some form of over-the-counter sedative and the really squirrelly ones got Hyper-Dramamine, and all I had was some magical film in a big metal box that I was locked in from the outside. But then again, the trip took only a thousandth of a second, so mostly it just felt like I weird dizzy feeling. Oh, and tons of stress on your whole body. I think it worked okay, but I really should have thought about the teachers supervising just seeing me when I got out and recognizing me from the posters the disciplinary council put up everywhere. I basically got odd looks the entire time and one time I saw one teacher pull out a cell phone and make a call and I was very worried and ran and hid, but it turned out she was just ordering Thai for lunch!

Well, while the bigwigs worked on some of the bigger finds the archaeological club had already discovered (like the bipedal robot that looked to be piloted by another, smaller robot with some kind of mechanical lasso), they let the students wonder around to see what we could see. Fischel found a buried Android about two hundred feet from one of the bigger digs, next to some kind of saloon. He was a bartender android, and he had a shot glass dispenser (it looked like a cannon) attached to his arm. I wanted to get the dispenser working, but Fischel wondered off, like he was looking for something. I heard one girl say something about him being a psybot, but he doesn’t look like it. Psybots always occurred to me as much more…stiff. Also, the ones I’ve met always dry their hands before they wash them, not after.

Anyways, Kim and I went to see if she could take some pictures and see if the robots had ghosts, so she grabbed her camera. It was very big, so she had to haul it around and she grunted a lot and I asked her if I could help and she said no. So we set up the camera in front of the jail and took a picture. I asked her if we could see the picture yet and she gave me this “you are an idiot” look and said that the Spirit Photography Club didn’t have the money for a digital spirit, just an old film one. I asked why and she got this look on her face and said, “SOME organizations in school don’t get the funding they should, because it all goes to a certain team”. I asked her if she meant the ninja team, and she said that the Frisbee club doesn’t need ninja stars, invisibility potions, and billion dollar, magical 14th century katanas. So I shut up.

Later Big Jim got everyone together so we could pitch camp for the night. Then we told cyborg ghost stories over chamomile tea and some kind of granola bar. Some of the other kids had good stories. I didn’t know any stories so I told them about the time I had to go under the sea to save a princess when I was eight.

The next day was where I earned my keep on the trip, I guess. With help, anyways. We spent the morning looking for more androids and stuff, and we found about eight more near the courthouse. They were all big and had gatling guns and missiles, so we guessed they were either outlaws or Indians or something. Some of the kids started making a skit using the robots and making them dance and the Archaeology guy said to be careful and they told him to shut up. But then two of the big ones came to life! They started shooting everywhere with their gatling guns and they tore up one of the FTL wagons. Some girl started screaming, “It’s all happening again!” whatever that meant. I think her name was Missy. So, like all the stasis barriers we had learned to use in basic safety were starting to buckle under the robot onslaught and we were getting kind of freaked until Fischel said he wanted to try to “talk” to them. I said OK, and ran off to distract them. Big Jim was protecting the stash of pudding cups and spirit film with this big shotgun, so I ran straight for one of the ‘bots, holding the lead film case in front of me like a shield. It didn’t really work very well, but I threw it at one of them and then tried to jump kick the other. He backhanded me into the ground with his gun and fired a missile that blew up another FTL wagon. But right as he was about to finish me off, I guess Fischel did something, because he stopped and kind of went limp. So I ran at the other one that was still shooting at the film box and tackled it as best I could. I really wished I didn’t have the TK restrictors on, and I think they knew that and played “Mars, Bringer of War” as if to mock me while I struggled with the battle robot. Then, the first robot said some thing in robot talk and the other stopped trying to ram his sharp stabbing thing that came out of his hand into my head. Fischel said that it was OK. Everyone started getting up and assessing the damage. Two of the FTL wagons were wrecked and on fire, but the camp was mostly ok, except for the bullet holes in the tents. Big Jim thanked Fischel and I for stopping the powerful robots, and Fischel said that they were friendly, just misunderstood, so we took them back with us in the first wagon. We had to make several trips, but since we traveled so fast most of the time was lugging the stuff we got into the back and attaching the FTL trailer for the bigger artifacts.

The dean was kind of shocked to see two huge war androids and a student that was NOT supposed to leave the school arrive in a bullet riddled station wagon talking about the good old days, but Jim helped me out and I didn’t get into too much trouble. Fischel took the robots with him and I haven’t seen them since. I wonder what he named them. Kim said she would let us know about the Spirit pictures, so I guess we’ll see. The kids who were playing with the warbots got a lecture on the dangers of screwing around with mighty battle machines. I had a great time, and that was basically my dig trip story. I hope Big Jim puts another one of these trips together!

Pretty cool.

 

2001-10-11   kim95

I just signed up for the field trip, upping it to a 3 wagon light speed caravaan. The Spirit Photography Club figured somebody should go along, and I beat everybody else to the sign up sheet!

And I could sure use some help Saturday morning carrying my *huge lead lined film cooler* to the pick up spot. Ender.

kimmyninetyfiver
 

2001-10-11   ender

I would go on the trip to the robot cowboy dig, if I weren’t on bloody campus probation. Sigh. The TK restriction braces have now taken on a hybrid of country and techno music. Some kids heard the strange hybrid and began dancing in the hall between third and fourth period. Other than that, no word yet on what the deal is with the faculty gunning for me. The library doesn’t seem to have that anarchy section anymore, so perhaps our troubles are temporarily over. Well, not mine. The wall on the Japanese building was nearly done when that rain came the other day, and all the weird wind and animals came out of nowhere. No one seemed to care (I’m not sure the students here notice things like this anymore), but it knocked over part of the wall where the mortar wasn’t dry yet and I have to do it again. I wonder if Martin VanGray can get me a whole wall from a psyhigh in a different dimension where I didn’t smash people through it.

Okay, I’ve decided: Does anyone have a decent sized lead-lined ice cooler I can sneak out on the trip in? I’ve got to get off the campus for a little while. I won’t eat any of the food you put in the cooler with me, and I’ll try to keep quiet. Also, if any of the robot cowboys should go berserk, I promise to protect the person that smuggled me in first before anyone else. I mean, sure, most of you may think you know enough to protect yourselves, but what if the robots have enhanced psybot minds? DO YOU REALLY KNOW? Maybe I can even help in carrying some of the bigger ones. The robots, I mean.

I wonder if the faculty regularly reads these journals…if so, I am kidding about the sneaking off campus thing.

(Seriously, someone help me out here! Thanx!)


 

2001-10-10   Kelly Jelly

I would also like to join the Archeology Outdoors trip, so please hold a seat for me. I'm not a Robot Historian, but I do love camping.

Plus, it's super convenient for me to get away this weekend, as they're going to be fumagating my corner of Leaf Hall. I left Twig Hall because of the bugs, but I found out that Leaf Hall's got it bad with Wasps! Wasps as big as my forearm, and their cow sized nest is right outside my window. They're going to be using some heavy duty Wasp killer, so I'd love to catch some of that fresh Idaho air this weekend.

Sign me up, please!


 

2001-10-10   Fischel

Big J,

Write me down for the trip!

Fisch
 

2001-10-9   Big Jim

We'll have 2 FTL station wagons parked in front of the main entrance this Saturday morning at 10 am, loaded with tents, stoves, food supplies, Geiger counters, temporal anomaly detection equipment, and mandroid stasis containers.

We've only got a couple of seats left in the 2 wagons, so if you want to go, please don't wait till the last minute to express your interest! We may be able to secure the third wagon if necessary (and if the T.A. for the French club returns in a timely enough fashion from her weekly croissant run).

All aboard for Robots of the Old West!

Big Jim
 

2001-9-30   Madame FourPerson

Dear JIm,

No problem! Sign me up for 4 seats.

MF

PS - Because of my special circumstances, I only get charged for one place on the trip, right?




 

2001-9-29   Big Jim

There are been some concerns about how exactly the Psychic Archeology Field Trip will be getting to Moose City.

While I have the highest confidence in both the teleportation system and the Teleportaion Regulatory Administration itself, we will not be using the teleportation portals to travel to Moose City.

Instead, we'll be using the school's own vehicles - specifically, the FTL Station Wagons. If you have any known adverse reaction to faster than light travel, please see the nurse for Hyper-Dramamine before joining this trip.

Thanks for your understanding,

Big Jim


 

2001-9-10   Missy Templeton

Jim,

Can you tell us how exactly the field trip will be getting to Moose City? I heard that the teleportation portals are on the fritz again. Also, do students need any background in archeology to go on this trip? I've never been on an archeological dig before.

Missy


 

2001-9-7   Madame FourPerson

I would like to attend the Psychic Archaeology Field Trip. Please sign me up, Big JIm!

MF


 

2001-9-5   Big Jim

Psychic Archaeology Field Trip

This year's fall semester Psychic Archeology field trip is a journey to the old west - the ghost town of Moose City, Idaho, USA.

The recent discovery of android remains in this remote Idaho ghost town has made it a center of attention for Temporal Anomaly researchers, Psybot specialists, and Robot Cowboy enthusiasts world wide.

Early October will be a beautiful time of year to visit this unspoiled historical wonderland. The site is located in the central panhandle, east of Headquarters, Idaho.

If you'd like to join us on this field trip, sign up here. We plan on reaching Moose City on October 13th.

Hope to see you there!

Big Jim


This trip is co-sponsored by the Psychic Outdoors Students Club.