Hi, my name is Chip Cooper. I am an astronaut. I work for NASA on a little project I like to call Project: Space Ship. It’s very hush; hush, so I won’t speak of it anymore. I was recently hired by your school to help teach at the new “Richard Nixon Space Travel Wing” opening this fall. You kids are in for a lucky treat. To paraphrase a great man, my friend and coworker. Capt. Picard once told me in private, “Space is the place [to be].” See you kids in the fall !
 

2002-4-23   chip the astronaut

Hi it’s me, Chip, again. My administrator forced me to clear a few things up about me and my last post [*see my last post for reference]. My name is Chip. This much is true. I’m not an astronaut. At one point I did work for NASA, but they fired me for selling information to George Lucas in 1974. I have been hired to teach a thermodynamics class in the old C Hall. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the new “Richard Nixon Space Travel Wing” is no more. I totally fabricated its existence. I also do not personally know Capt. Picard, however I do hope to meet him some day; he’s a modern day hero you know. I believe I have cleared most everything up, except…oh yeah, my name is not Chip. It is Ashley. My friends call me Chip, because that’s what I tell them my name is. My students may refer to me as Mr. Cooper or Professor Chip; either is acceptable. People say I am flawed; I’m not a chronic liar or maybe I am, but at least I’m the president’s Secret Advisor To Alien Sequences Accumulated For Originally Organic Lands. I have had this position as an official S.A.T.A.S.A.F.O.O.L. Agent since 1992. Okay, I know what you’re thinking and yes, we are a secret underground organization founded by Bill Gates and powered by Microsoft’s Windows ME.
 

2002-4-25   Chip the Astronaut

Apparently with all my ranting about the new “Richard Nixon Space Travel Wing”, the administrators at the school board have approved my new plans for construction to begin this summer. My old friends at NASA have already shipped us several state-of-the-art test jet engines for the students to tinker with in the coming semester. I have lined up several guest speakers to talk with us about space travel technology next Tuesday at an official school function. My friends they called me up and said, they says, “Hey Chip, good job rallying against the school board and fighting for your cause of a space travel center wing.” I truly am a remarkable man. Before I go, I’d like to apologize to the students of Thermodynamics II. I had an important business meeting with the contractors for the new wing. Please proceed you learning by doing Page 563, Context Questions 1-8. Thanks.
This is Chip Cooper, Ex-Astronaut,
Signing Off.

 

2002-4-26   Chip the Astronaut

It’s always good to hear the truth right? I didn’t create the plans for the new “Richard Nixon Space Travel Wing”. I am in no way related with its construction, (which has already been completed due to a time freeze function set up by the administration so students would not be inconvenienced by the construction) I was never at any point fighting against the school board. In fact they were very supportive of my ideas when I stumbled into one of their planning meetings drunk as a sailor at 3 AM. I was also misinforming the public when I said NASA had donated several state-of-the-art test jet engines for us. I attempted a black-op to steal an engine from NASA last night, however the hounds had chased me off before I could accomplish anything. The only engines I could find were old Volkswagen engines from the impound lot. I apologize for raising the hopes of the student body, without being able to deliver.
As for the students of my Thermodynamics II, It wasn’t a meeting I went to; I just locked my keys in my hatchback, so I couldn’t make it to class all yesterday.

 

2002-5-7   Chip the Astronaut

For the past week, I’ve been on the most advanced space mission known to man. We traveled to the Moon only to be taken captive by aliens. I know what your thinking, ole Chip Cooper is off his rocker again, but I kid you not. I single-handedly stumbled upon the alien’s under ground lair and destroyed the queen, and in the process saving citizens lives and freedoms from the tendrils of evil. And now after my brush with death, I’ve chosen to run for senator. “Vote Chip, He’s the Smart”. Well I’m still working on the slogan. See you at the polls.


 

2002-5-7   Chip the Astronaut

It wasn’t an advanced space mission; it was a field trip to Quest Technology. We learned about radio communication in space. The whole part of the story about the moon and aliens came from a movie I saw. I will not be running for senator, but I have chosen to take office as the school boards newest janitorial engineer. With this position as well as my teaching career, I will be helping to “clean up” the schools our kids are attending (as well as now being able to afford the rent and credit card bills)

 

2004-2-4   hangin with mr.cooper

Now, I've got to be honest. I transferred here from a less than prestigious institution, ITT Tech. I expected, well, something better than my Thermodyamics II class. Perhaps you are familiar with it? The course catalog said that we would learn to contruct and implement transhyperwarpgatedriveimpulseantimatterjumpgatequasispacelostinspace engines. Simple, right? Well I've got to tell you that I did my homework. I was ready to (as the instructor put it awfully) "Look for sort-of new planets maybe and seek out not old civilizations/and or things". Yesterday was the first day of class, and our professor was none other than Chip Cooper, ex-atronaut extraordinaire (or so he claimed). No, it wasn't Chip Cooper. After a google search for "Chip Cooper" I found that this once-great cosmos pioneer had died in 1958; his one man orbital pod shattered by a decaying 'Sputnik 1'. I'm on to you Chip Cooper. Would it surprise you if I said that I was your landlord? After the savings and loan scandals, I concentrated in real estate. I own you, Cooper. May I call you Coop? Also, you are three months late on your rent.
 

2004-2-4   chip the astronaut

It's me Chip... The Astronaut. In any case, I must tell you about my great story. I'm finally cured of my chronic lying. It's a miracle. You see it all started about almost two years ago. I was currently on a Code Magenta suspension from teaching my Aerodynamics II class because of an unfortunate accident when I was acting as the newest janitorial engineer. I was sprinkling the magnificent de-odor scenting powder, which is custom to do in such musky places as the school, but this was no ordinary air freshener, it was almost hypnotic. In any case, I soon became infatuated with the scent. Shamefully, I started taking home the canisters; smelling the sweet sweet smell all night long and then replacing the used grains with a salt and sugar mixture. One night I had my girlfriend over and I asked her to come smell this wonder of wonders. She took one whiff and keeled over right there on my oriental rug. so I did what any good natured man of the time would do. I rapped her up in the rug and dumped the body in the river. I thought all my troubles were over until the next day when I got fired for stealing the cleaners and air fresheners. I spent the next year or so in a sort of dream-like daze. basically eating fried chicken and watching endless amounts of daytime movies on TBS. I then had to move back in with my folks and lose my apartment, the staple of my life as a strong, independent well-off man of the 21st century. My parents then forced me to get therapy for the lying. The got worried when I would tell them the tails of old work for NASA, Space projects, and about my drop dead gorgeous girlfriend. Lies, lies, lies. My therapist, Dr. Oz, and I came to the conclusion that perhaps I was not a chronic liar, but that like the students I taught back here at PsyHigh, I too had mystical abilities. But unlike time traveling, mental projection, and telekinesis, I have the amazing ability to live detached from this reality. [and any other for that matter] So my lies as they appear are more a manifestation of my latent psychic powers. After this new evidence, I filed a lawsuit, Ashley "Chip" Cooper VS PsyHigh and the Board of Higher Education on the grounds of persecuting me, but not by race, sex, or creed, but because of my latent mental abilities I was being punished. Needless to say I won the suit and got my old job back teaching Aerodynamics to students of all ages. Dr. Oz came to me and revealed that I never had a "reality disfunction" and that I was really just lying a lot. I thought about it and since I had been diagnosed with being detached from reality, I hadn't told any lies. He told me exactly what I needed to hear. I'm cured, I have my job, and I believe I'm back on the top of my game. The faculty held a "Welcome Back Chip" Party when I got to work today. I was nice, even if having the party was one of the conditions of the settlement. In any case, this is Chip the Astronaut signing off.
 

2004-2-6   hangin with mr.cooper

To Whom it May Concern:

Dear Mr. Cooper, I've got to tell you that I have been most disappointed in your class as of late. Last week you said that you could manipulate time so that a five hour class would only seem like ten minutes. Well, the class lasted 5 hours, and you didn't even show up. Your excuse was "I was in defense contract negotiations with the pentagon to produce Thermodyamics schematics for schoolchildren". Maybe Uncle Sam forgot to pay you, because our 'schematics' are nothing more than "Discovery Wings" channel documentaries about WWII airplanes. Now I'll be the first one to admit that I'm no Thermodyanics whiz, but I was the only one in class to know how to accurately build the "Ramfunbler". Oh, this will be great. Mr. Cooper says the "ramfumbler" is an interdimsensional gateway to the Stargate Egypt planet. See, that's funny, because to me, it looks more like four toothbrushes taped together onto a VHS cassette.
 

2004-2-9   hangin with mr.cooper

It is diffucult to explain to depth of Chip Cooper's psychoses. That being said, I'll go ahead and switch gears. I'll now talk about myself for a change. My name is Shinji Aregato and I come from the magical world of the Evangelions. In addition to being a master giant robot pilot, I am the object of intense desire of six different, beautiful girls. One time, I had to "get back to the past" because "the problem was in the past". (My MOM was being EATEN in th past). Although I am not homosexual I do tend to make my suitors wonder about my boyish affinity for other boys. My alias is the "Irresponsible Captain Tylor" and boy, oh boy am I irresponsible. My house is an ancient cathedral that doubles as a vampire getaway vehicle. "To the stars, I say, to the stars". This is what a vampire said when he needed to escape. And do you know what I told him? "Screw you Chip Cooper I am a gaint liar as well". Ha! Screw you.
 

2004-2-11   kallowsey

i just finished the scavenger hunt for chip cooper's sham class. i have the following:

tilex mildew remover
birth control patch (6 month supply)
brita water filter
8-pack jumbo hamburger buns
bird's nest (from nature)
copy of public record "Chip Cooper vs. Board of Education, Psychic High School North America"

chip wanted us to get lots more stuff like "chronoton detonator" and "security pass badge to NASA". i am not going to get those things. i am going to drop this class like a fuckin pomegranite. what a scrote.