Umm, I’ve found out that during my absence there was a substitute teacher for my Physics and Aerodynamics classes.
I walked into my very impressive classroom in the Richard Nixon Space Travel Wing this afternoon only to find Mr. X-1, an artificial intelligence teaching droid, blazing through diagrams, formulas, and raw data which I don’t recognize as high school physics.

When I went to complain to the Dean (who surprisingly is now an attractive woman), she said that Mr. X-1 is doing a great job and that she didn’t want to ruin a good thing [Apparently he’s covered the entire physics curriculum in a mere three weeks- so now he’s inventing new postulates and theorems to teach for the rest of the semester].

In all fairness, I try and use any excuse I can to get out of teaching my classes- so this came as a blessing. I figured I’d now have the time and energy to focus on rebuilding and coaching the Ninja Ball team, but the Dean lady had also given that task to Mr. X-1, as well.

Currently, I have been reallocated to oversee the detention facility fulltime with another teacher lady. I don’t like being replaced by a no good robot, but perhaps I’ll finally have time to write my memoirs.

 

2010-1-20   Droid X-1

GREETINGS,

I am automated teaching unit, X-1. My positronic matrix became self-aware this past winter cycle. The PsyHigh administration has instructed me to utilize this journal service to properly document my social progression in this public forum. I shall comply now.

As of 21:07 GMT yesterday, I have completed instructing the established four year PsyHigh physics curriculum in a 6 hour window (5 class periods) for the Introduction to Physics- P101 course. The remainder of this semester will be dedicated to exploring drafted physics theorems for validity.

As a warning- of the initial 296 students enrolled in P101…

141 have dropped the course,

78 have become mentally incapacitated,

57 students are failing the course, and

15 have had fatal brain aneurysms.

Congratulations. Five students are currently performing at the average expected rate*.

Tomorrow’s period shall focus on gravitational potential energy measured from the local perspective in a 37% atmospheric state based in orbital annual shifts. Prepare and read material from Volume 17- pages 6729-7831.

*X-1, does not graduate students from this course with numeric grades below 94.99999 percent.

 

2010-1-24   Parker Cragg

I'm out of the infirmary and on crutches. I have nothing to do but homework. I wish I was on an adventure somewhere! Shirley has been pretty nice of late - she even made me a cake for my un-birthday!

X-1 told us on Friday we had to read 1000 pages of our text on fringe theories. I'm stuck on one exercise that asks me to consider the Lorentz transformation as invariant in a number of equations related to the passage of radiation through spacetime. I know X-1 just wants the students to get really into learning and I feel bad for him, but not using the Lorentz transformation in these exercises seems pointless so I'm just fudging some numbers so I can call it a day. I'm passing, so whatever.

I wonder if he would have more success if next Friday he made a quiz game for the class. He could ask us questions about how well one superstring theory or another explains...I dunno, fermions or something, and the trick answer would be about tachyons.

Ha! Tachyons.
 

2010-1-27   Ally Boner Ph.D

I finally found Chip hiding in his basement. I marched his sniveling, excuse generating keister directly to the Dean, who rolled her eyes when she saw him and sent me on my way, promising a stern verbal reprimand for him. Who is this guy? Why is he teaching here?

Of course on the way out I ran into that robot teacher I've heard so much about in the teacher's lounge. He curtly bowed and then marched over to his box, removed his messages, and strode out into the afternoon as if he was delivering a pizza. What a teacher.
 

2010-1-28   Steve Vortex II

Well, I’m enrolled in school again and it’s like I never left- mainly because of the time travel they tell me. I had apparently caused so many time travel issues that they were required by the BTCFOS19thCCJPMFE Time Police to “reboot” me.

A kindly English man, Lt. Ricardo Rembrandt, explained that in order to undo all the trouble my future-self caused- they went back in time before I enrolled in PsyHigh and enrolled me earlier. But instead of having me become a freshman in the year 2000 (my time), they sent me to the year 2010. He said that would change the course of events, and effectively “reboot” me.

I still didn’t understand, but then he introduced me to 2000’s Ultimate Spider-Man, a comic book that took the essence of Marvel’s classic hero Spider-Man, but updated from the 1960’s and thrust into the 2000’s. It was an artistic and commercial success that revived the character for a younger audience. However, a lot of that doesn’t apply to my situation.

I put up a bit of a fight not wanting to be displaced 10 years into the future. But my fears were quelled when I was told that “The Simpsons” wasn’t funny for the last ten years. I figured I could catch what I missed in syndication in any case.

I was also given a fantastic device called an iPhone. It is a cool new psychic device that is a phone, plays videos, music, and has games! Here's to the 2010's!

 

2010-1-29   The Wiz

I haven’t had any extra time for journal writing because of my class load this semester. It’s been pretty intense, physics especially. I’ve needed more time to study- so I’ve started sleeping in a polyphasic cycle (for 10-15 min intervals every two hours). It’s a practice of geniuses- da Vinci, Franklin, Einstein, Tesla. They all slept polyphasicly- so I think it has a pretty successful track record. So far, so good. I can’t wait until by body adjusts to the sleep cycle change.
 

2010-1-29   Droid X-1

Upon recommendation from student [CRAGG, PARKER], I have provided a new skills assessment for the current students. Prepare for a [Pop] “Quiz Show”. Your answer will determine five percent of your final evaluation.

After dropping from a height of 1.50 m onto a concrete floor, a 50.0-g ball rebounds to a height of .90 m.
a) Find the impulse acting on the ball as it dropped.
b) Find the impulse acting on the ball as it rebounds
c) Find the impulse on the ball while it was in contact with the floor.

Show the calculations and map your progress through the three equations.

 

2010-2-1   Steve Vortex II

Class has been pretty difficult. Physics especially. I was trying to finish up that quiz from X-1.

Let's see, to find these velocities we use conservation of energy...where the potential at the top equals the kinetic at the bottom

So m*g*h = 1/2*m*v^2.....initially we have v1 = sqrt(2*g*h1) = sqrt(2*9.8m/s^2*1.50m) = -5.42m/s [Note the negative means it is going down]

The rebound velocity v2 = sqrt(2*g*h2) = sqrt(2*9.8*0.90) = 4.20m/s

a) For this initial v = 0 and final v = -5.42m/s...SO impulse = m*vf - 0 = 0.050kg*(-5.42m/s) = -0.271kg-m/s

b) Here initial v = 4.20m/s anf final = 0 .... so impulse = 0 - m*vi = -0.050kg*4.20m/s = -0.210kg-m/s

c) Now the impulse (which is the change in momentum) = m*v2 - m*v1 = m*(v2 - v1) =
0.050kg*(4.20 - (-5.42))m/s = 0.481N-s

That was easier than I thought. I may have a passing grade now.

 

2010-2-1   The Wiz

Oh, I see. The impulse is the change in momentum. I should have seen that. I need sleep- even the obvious is alluding me. The sleep deprivation in conjunction with my roommate’s bizarre love for ominous atmospheric tones (played at nauseam on his computer speakers) has been wrecking havoc on my waking life. I’ve started to take some “pep pills” to keep awake during the night. It’s been pretty difficult to maintain the schedule. I’ve also started to learn how to sleep standing up- otherwise I fear I would fall break the polyphasic cycle and ruin all this hard work I’ve put it. Only another 48 hours and my body should be adjusted. Wish me luck!
 

2010-2-1   Parker Cragg

Here's my pop quiz answer.

m*g*h = 1/2*m*v^2.....initially we have v1 = sqrt(2*g*h1) = sqrt(2*9.8m/s^2*1.50m) = -5.42m/s [Note the negative means it is going down]

The rebound velocity v2 = sqrt(2*g*h2) = sqrt(2*9.8*0.90) = 4.20m/s

a) For this initial v = 0 and final v = -5.42m/s...SO impulse = m*vf - 0 = 0.050kg*(-5.42m/s) = -0.271kg-m/s

b) Here initial v = 4.20m/s anf final = 0 .... so impulse = 0 - m*vi = -0.050kg*4.20m/s = -0.210kg-m/s

c) Now the impulse (which is the change in momentum) = m*v2 - m*v1 = m*(v2 - v1) =
0.050kg*(4.20 - (-5.42))m/s = 0.481N-s

I can't imagine anyone knocking this out before me. I didn't have a chance to check though. Time for a nap.
 

2010-2-1   Dave the Manipulator

Ugg, I hate that Cragg kid. He’s always making trouble with X-1. Making us take a quiz with his stupid suggestions. And now he’s not even going to do the work. Isn’y it interesting how Steve posted his answer and then Parker posts with the very same answer- blatantly copying Steve’s homework. Cragg, you are on my list. I am going to make him pee himself in class next week- using “my powers of influence.”
 

2010-2-1   Steve Vortex II

[VORTEX, STEVE. II has been expelled from Psychic High School: 02-0-2010, 2:51pm]
 

2010-2-1   Droid X-1

After computing the special calculations and conferring with the BTCFOS19thCCJPMFE Time Police, it became apparent that student VORTEX, STEVE. II had willfully traveled through time to appropriate the solution to the P101 evaluation quiz (V-7) by replicating the solution as provided by student CRAGG, PARKER. Student- VORTEX, STEVE. II then transversed back to an earlier time [2-01-2010, 12:03pm], where his person submitted the solution as his own.

VORTEX, STEVE. II has been expelled from Psychic High School for violation of tenants Chapter 4, Section 2 Paragraph 7 and associative time crimes.

Let this serve as a warning to potential future transgressors.
ON a separate note, good work, student CRAGG, PARKER.

 

2010-2-1   Steve Vortex II

Nards!
 

2010-2-2   Layla Cosmos

I can’t believe that Steve guy got kicked out of school for cheating. That seems severe, but then again so is that class. And I don’t say that lightly. I’ve read a bunch of books on Advanced Zornaxian Physics and I still feel lost. And it’s been impossible to study here. Katrina (my roommate) had her harem (well, what’s the male version of a harem- her boy-toys?) over last night again and they just kept drooling over her. “You’re so pretty Katrina”, “I’d love to massage your feet, Katrina”, “I love you, Katrina”, “I want to make kiss kiss face with you and have your litter, Katrina”. It’s disgusting. They all pretend as if I’m not even there- stupid mindless hormone zombies.
 

2010-2-2   Dave the Manipulator

X-1 has it all backwards. Parker is the loser who should be kicked out of school. “Good job, Parker Cragg!” So, stupid. I hope you get aluminum poisoning for all butt kissing you are doing to X-1.
 

2010-2-3   The Wiz

I’ve never heard of this, but my roommate tells me that the last Dean went crazy after his bout of polyphasic sleeping. That’s just got to be the rumblings of wide eyed conspiracy theorists. HA! With all the extra time I’ve had I’ve just finished work on my senior year thesis- three years ahead of schedule. I even wrote it all in an intricate unbreakable code language that I created- because I don’t want anyone to get their grubby little fingers on it.