The transformations were supposed to stop. From coming to this school. And the Therapy.

I probably saw it coming but wanted it to go away. I had the dreams with the sage, and the tunnel. I probably did it in my sleep a couple of times. I could smell it in my sheets but pretended I was imagining it.

But after last night, I have to face the fact that it's happening again. I woke up behind the dumpster, and the smell was all over.

The skunk smell.

I'm a wereskunk. And I can't control when it happens to me.



 

2005-4-3   wretched-betty

There is a stink growing here that I can not abide. It is a terrible stink and I can not live with it. It is the most vile form of smell pollution I have ever had the misfortune of cohabiting with. I grew up on a farm in the South, so I'm not unacustomed to nature's many different smells. But this particular odor is beyond my ability to take. It comes in the through the window. It's in the hall. It seems to come right out of the walls.

Something must be done. I have placed a pettition on the door of my room (B-750 Willard Hall) to press the administration into action. My daddy plays plenty in tuition and this just will not do.

Y'all come and sign it!
 

2005-4-4   Jimmy_S

It's happening almost every night now. When it first started it was this bad. I was lucky if it happened at night. Then I could just waddle out through the dog door and slip out for the night. Mom might catch a whiff but she never said anything.

But it didn't just happen at night. At my old school it happened all the time at first. The boys' bathroom would reek. And I'd get busted for skipping.

Or the time it happened on the field trip to the natural history museum. The halls were dark and luckily by then I could keep from spraying because I wasn't so freaked out. So I just snuck through the shadows and stayed out of sight till I changed back.

Now I'm scared because it's slipping out of control again. It's so embarrassing. Especially the squirting. I think I'm going to start sleeping in the woods. Starting tonight.

 

2005-4-5   smirch

Chasing Mr. Boz around the halls I came upon a pettition. Something about a smell. I didn't smell anything but I've always felt it might duty to sleave my mark on any and every piece of parchment I come across. After about an hour I had finished drawing the self-portrait and attached my John Hancock. It took up a lot of space so any other signatures will have to go on the back, but goddammit, it looks good. After I had so artfully applied my visage, I contined my monkey hunt. That Mr. Boz is a clever critter but I eventually found him.

On my way back to my room I found it. There it was, shining in all its glory, the vending machine. With all the speed of a flying kangaroo I fished some cash out of my pocket and bought 12 bags of Fritos Flavor Twists. Now sitting here in my room I have a dilemna. Should I eat all the Fritos' now or hoard them in case I can't get any more? Save or store, save or store? I must ponder this.

While I think, I will type. Today I watched a game of tag played by some speedsters. (That's what I call those guys with superspeed. Duh.) Anyway, they all go blasting away and the one who's it counts to 100 in like the blink of an eye then he's after them. Turns out their not all on the same level. The "it" guy catches all but one of them in no time but then it's just him and the last guy. "It" flies after "Not It" but "Not It" goes mach 3. "It" gets as far as mach 2 before his body feels the strain and then he starts breaking apart and fucking his shit all up. Before we knew it body parts were everywhere, he had just fallen apart as he ran. Then one other kid watching says, "Just because someone dies doesn't mean they aren't faster than someone."



I was on the floor laughing. It was just too much fun.



 

2005-4-6   Seepu

I think it's unfair that a lot of "u" have preconceived notions about wretched-betty, just because her father is the Swine and Chicken King of the tri-state area, and he was brought up on those federal charges for illegally dumping 700,000 metric tons of animal waste into our nation's scenic waterways (he *has* paid his debt to society, you know). What? Oh yeah, it's not fair for "u" to judge people just because of something like that. Ok???!?

Sure, betty's been around lots of sludgey animal waste. But who hasn't, really, when you think about it? Giant reclamation pools full of it. Swirling around and around.... What?

I went to school in the same county as betty before we both came to this school and everybody in my class new about what happened to betty at her junior prom when she got voted queen and she was so proud but the MEAN KIDS JUST LIKE YOU dumped that big bucket of liquid swine and chicken waste all over her on the stage and that's what made her powers come out in the first place. Those kids didn't know the meaning of liquid animal waste till betty got her powers goin' on 'em.

So, really everybody. Let's have a little love and acceptance of betty, and DO NOT DEFACE her materials. Or you might get a real taste of betty's Southern liquid animal WHOOP ASS. If you know what I mean.

{!!}

 

2005-4-6   smirch

Some crazy person was yelling in the halls earlier. They were saying something about defacing stuff. At first I thought maybe it was about me but I'm sure it wasn't. For you see, what I so hastily rendered was an elegant piece of art rivaling some of Picasso's best work, not just some graffiti that any vapid, inbred, chalk-sniffing hoodlum could come up with. For this reason I believe what I did would not, nay, COULD not, be considered "defacement" and so this Seepu person can not possibly be talking about me.

The person was also yammering about some sort of meat prom. The whole situation sounded similar to (if not exactly the same as) a book I read and a movie I watched called "Carrie". Anyway, I have bigger problems to deal with. I seem to have run out of Fritos'.
 

2005-4-7   Jimmy_S

After two nights in the woods I needed to get the stink off. I went back to my room to change clothes and take a shower. I was keeping my cool - sleeping in the woods helped a little.

But I ran into the southern girl from the room next to me. She was giving some kind of speech out in the hall. It was some kind of bad scene. When I squeezed past them she stopped all of the sudden and turned and pointed at me and started yelling. I slipped into my room and bolted the door, but she and her friends kept banging and yelling.

I lost control. I turned into a skunk.

Sometimes when I change, my memory gets a little hazy. When they broke the door down I remember lifting up my tail and letting them have it. Then I just ran out and down the hall and back out into the woods. That's where I woke up anyway.

But I might have had hallucinations this time too. I have this horrible memory of trying to get out of the dorm, but having to swim through this disgusting sewage. I do reek, but at this point who knows what that could be.

Geez. Guess I'm staying out in the woods for awhile. But I'm sure getting hungry. Got to hunt down a vending machine.


 

2005-4-7   Big Jim

TEMPORARY B-WING CLOSURE OF WILLARD HALL

Due to the apparent overflow of the sewage system in Willard Hall, B-wing is temporarily closed. Residents of B-wing can receive their temporary sleeping reassignments in the lobby of the Manor House.

We appreciate everyone's patience in this matter. We hope to have B-wing cleaned out and reopened by next Monday night. The Psychic Janitorial Staff is already at work, and the Ritual Purification is slated to begin at midnight Saturday, with the introduction of Pussy willows, narcissus and lime trees occurring Sunday afternoon.

Some students have expressed their belief that the sewage that flooded B-wing is not from our local sewage system, and is instead of some animal or extra-dimensional nature. This has not been substantiated, and I would ask students to refrain from creating rumors that could be hurtful or otherwise endanger the student body.

Thank you,

Big Jim

 

2005-4-7   smirch

I think my running into the vending machine the first time was just a stroke of luck. For about 3 hours I couldn't for the life of me figure out where it was. After deciding to trace my steps yesterday I finally stumbled upon it again. I thought that for my own assistance, I should mark the spot of the elusive machine. I put small posters on the walls leading from the entrance of the school to the vending machine so I could find my way back again later.

There was an announcement about the stink (that I still don't smell) and that the B-wing will be closed to clear it out. This hasn't directly affected me, but the overflow of students is becoming a bother. No one is staying where they are supposed to. Luckily no one has tried to get into my room but nextdoor is full up. Not only are they making noise ALL NIGHT LONG, but they also seem to be doing something to the building itself. The walls are crying endlessly and I'm afraid the lights have caught a cold. They sneeze and turn weird colors almost constantly. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with someone sneezing right over your head? I finally got frustrated and I tossed my reading lamp out the window. I chucked it a fairly good distance, I think it landed in the woods. The only thing I have to comfort me is the fact that I just replenished my stash of Fritos'.
 

2005-4-8   smirch

At about 4 o’clock this afternoon (though the halls were still overflowing with displaced students, the walls stopped crying and the lights seemed to get over whatever was making them sick. Right about that time I was going to my Wilderness Survival class so I didn’t really get to celebrate the peace and quite since Wilderness Survival 505 is held near the woods outside (hence the “wilderness”). Most of the other students complained about the smell that they said filled the woods. I however, smelled NOTHING. Anyway, Mr. Howlett decided to can the class for the day. I think it was more the complaints of the students that bothered him than the actual smell. About this time I had had enough of everyone freaking out about this smell so I started thinking that I should find the source of the smell. The kids in my WS 505 class said the smell was even worse outside than inside. I thought that the woods would be as good a place as any to start looking for this phantom smell. I ran to my room, ran back outside (not before grabbing some Fritos’ to snack on) and I made my way to the woods. I set up camp in a tree and that’s where I am now. I’ll try to stay awake.
 

2005-4-9   Jimmy_S

I ran into some serious stuff.

I was sleeping. In the woods. I turned into the skunk. But this time it was more OK somehow. I didn't just reflexively spray. I was just the skunk and that was OK. My squirt was under control.

But I smelled more of that horrible smell. In the woods. People think skunk spray smells bad, but it had nothing on this reek.

When I'm the skunk I do have a super enhanced sense of smell. Not that I needed a heightened sense of smell to to catch that wretched odor.

So I followed it. Deeper into the woods. A skunk is built real well for getting around in the woods. Under old logs. Through blackberry. Extra good night vision too.

What I saw completely freaked me out.

Out in the woods I found a clearing. In the middle of it was a pond. A pond of horrible smelling crap. Bubbling. Big slow bubbles like a tar pit. But it wasn't tar. It was like an open cesspool.

And wretched-betty. The girl next door. She was standing at the pool, with this dark cloak on. And all her batch of friends. They were all standing around the cesspool and praying, or chanting. In their robes.

Wretched-betty was in the middle of them. Raising her hands like she was directing an orchestra.

The chanting was growing. And out of the cesspool, the liquid crap started to spiral up. Like a waterspout. Then it thickened. Slowed. It was waving like a giant cobra. Wretched-betty was the snake charmer.

Then there was some noise off on the other side of the clearing. Something in the woods. The girls stopped, and the sewage thing flopped back into the pool. The girls started to run toward the sound and into the woods. I split out of there. Back to my nest.

What was that all about? I always thought wretched-betty was some kind of bad news. Never figured on something like this.

All I could get out of the vending machine were Funyuns. I am starving. Tomorrow morning I'm hitting the showers in the gym, then breakfast in the cafeteria.


 

2005-4-11   smirch

I slept through it.

God I can't believe it. How could I have slept through it. Actually, I don't quite know what "it" was, but I bet it was something big.

Here's the deal. My little tree that I was sleeping in was right over this clearing. Last thing I saw before I dozed off was the ground under me. It was all green grass, a little pond and normal clearing type stuff. Follow me now. I wake up today, what is it now, 3 days later and the ground under me is all smurfed up.

Instead of the pond, there's this... GUNK! I don't know what it is, but now I know what everyone else was smellin'. I mean, this thing reeks. The smell makes me want to rip my brain out through my nose. I mean for real, I don't know anything that could make this kind of stench. It's even worse than when I fell into that sewage tank.

Anyway, that's not all. After I found some leaves to shove up my nose to block the smell, I got out of the tree to check out what else was wrong. There were these robes all around the pond and like a slime trail coming out of the "water" and leading to the school. It looked like the trail a snail leaves or like, you know, a slime trail.

After seeing the slime trail, I being such an adventurer decided to follow it. Guess where it lead me. I'll give you a clue. Starts with "wretched" ends in "betty's room". Standing in front of Wretched-betty's door, about to knock and confront her, I chickened out. I didn't know who or what was in that room with betty, and I wasn't man enough to find out. So now I'm back in my room playing with Dr. Boz.


 

2005-4-11   Big Jim

Willard Hall B-wing Reopening

We are pleased to announce the reopening of the B-wing in Willard Hall. All of the residents affected by the closure should have received notice that their rooms are now available again. Thanks to all the students who opened up their quarters for their fellow classmates.

As for the unapproved sabbat and all night interdimensional raves in D-wing, the violation of residence hall policy will be overlooked, due to the mitigating circumstances.

There may be some residual smell related to the sewage back-up in B-wing, especially on the seventh floor. Psychic plumbers are currently working on that problem and hope to have it rectified as soon as possible.

Thanks again for your cooperation,

Big Jim




 

2005-4-14   Seepu

I think that all of "u" (and "u" know who "u" are) who are giving wretched-betty a hard time, standing in front of her door, with the protest signs, in the gas masks, some of "u" passed out on the floor, hemorrhaging, "u" should all just back off and give betty some space, because she's going through a hard time right now. Personal time. A "ladies" time. What?? No, not that. Ewwwwww!

Betty just needs some time to herself. And that smell is NOT coming from her room. Or those noises. Those squishy, wet, delicious slurpy noises one makes when one consumates a divine relationship with a GOD! What? Squish, slurp, sloop! oooooooo!!!!!

That smell is probably from the room next door where that greasy boy lives. Who's never home. THAT'S who "u" need to get mad at. HE needs to take a bath.


{!!}

 

2005-4-17   wretched-betty

Many of you know me, and know what a kind, patient, considerate, and caring person I am. But I have reached the end of my gal-durned rope trying to get this school's administration to tend to the simplest needs of its students. Students whose families have paid plenty for us to have the standard of living we deserve here.

That is why, after a period of deep reflection, I feel I have no choice but to site Rule 604.41 of the Psychic Student's Charter and call for immediate (re)elections for Student Body President. And, like they say - "If you want something done right...." I am announcing my candidacy for Student Body President in this special emergency vote.

In the week ahead I'm sure that y'all will get to know the real me and join me in a voice for change for the better for all us students. In fact, I can already feel my voice changing, as I aM SLODOBBERETCH, LORD OF STENCH AND DECAY!! MASTER OF THE NOXIOUS LEECH FIELDS OF THE FOREVER UNCLEAN!!! MISTRESS OF THE AMMONIAC MIXED WASTE OF A THOUSAND EXTINCT SPECIES!!! THE LIVING FORM OF ROTTING FECAL MONSTROSITY!!!!

So y'all remember to vote for me on election day, y'hear?






 

2005-4-19   smirch

It turns out I was right. That thing, whatever it was, did go into Betty's room. And it's worse than I thought. From what I can piece together, Betty awakened some kind of demonic spirit and now it's a part of her.

Something has to be done. It's only been two days and already the school is falling apart. Not literally, (this time) but it's still a disaster. Betty, or should I call her Slodobberetch is on her way to being the new student body president. She's already gotten control of the majority of the students and unless something is done, she will almost certainly become the next student body president.

I had two plans to combat this. The first involved constructing an interstellar space ship and escaping with many beautiful women suitable for the repopulation of a New Earth. This plan was quickly scrapped for I could not find the necessary amount of beautiful women who would willingly join me.

My other plan was and is to run in opposition to Betty/Slodobberetch. At first I was going to run myself, but I feared that my heart staggering awesomeness would make the voting public feel so inferior that they would be too ashamed to vote for me. In my place I needed a figurehead, someone to be my puppet. Of course I chose Dr. Boz. My campaign only started today but I can already sense a following starting. There is still time for Dr. Boz (me) to win over the student body. We will not lose.
 

2005-4-20   Randy McHuddleson

To the Student Body of Psychic High School:

PSYCHIC HIGH SCHOOL!
NUMBER ONE!
WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT WITH FUN!!!

Greetings. For the past school year, I have had the pleasure, and great responsibility, of being your Student Body President. In that time, I think everyone can agree that the number of pep assemblies has certainly increased. As captain of the Psychic Cheerleading Squad, I was in a unique position to facilitate this important change in our school lives - truly a "Fresh Wind" (the theme of yesterday morning's pep assembly - for the 73% of you which did not attend)

Now, at this late point in the school year, is not the time to "change horses" in the race. We have so many wonderful times ahead. We will now increase our first period pep assemblies to twice a week. And schedule additional dances, starting with this friday's "Lovely Dairy Air" dance.

My opponents would have you believe otherwise - that these are "dark times" that only they can lead us through. To that I say - something smells fishy! Everyone is happy! No one should complain! Don't cause problems!

And don't listen to anything that monkey says! I know a lot of you seem to be supporting him, but, that's just wrong! He can't possibly deliver on any of his promises. I'm sure the Frito-Lay company would never make a donation of that proportion.

So remember:

Vote for me: Randy McHuddleson

And I'll cheer you on!

PSYCHIC HIGH
WE ARE THE BEST
WE KICK YOUR BUTT
ON THE KREZNER TEST!!!




 

2005-4-23   Big Jim

STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT SPECIAL ELECTION RESULTS

The results of yesterday's special election for Student Body President are in, and, in a stunning upset, a new Student Body President has been elected.

Congratulations to Dr. Boz - our new Student Body President for the remainder of this year's term. The complete results:

Dr. Boz = 73% of all votes
Randy McHuddleson = 7%
Enum Root = 5%
wretched-betty= 1%
indecipherable = 5%
other = 3%
pizza = 6%

This year's turnout was one of the highest we've seen - almost 85% of the student body participated - an indication of the popularity of this year's winner.

Also, our 'indecipherable' rate is one of the lowest seen in a recent psychic election. Since all votes are sent and received telepathically, this year's offical TVR (Telepathic Vote Receptor) group must be commended for their accuracy. The added measure of keeping the TVRs in salinated isolation tanks in the lead lined B-29 sub-basement is also thought to have aided in the clarity of their reception.

The 6% result for pizza, however, most likely had to do with dinner desires of the student body overlapping with the last hour of open polls. The TVR group is looking into rescheduling options for next year.

Thanks again to all students who participated in this wonderful simulated reenactment of democratic principles. We're all excited to see what new territory Dr. Boz leads the student body in.

Big Jim


 

2005-4-23   smirch

First and foremost, Dr. Boz would like to thank you all for voting for him. Without you, there would be no one to clap for him.

Earlier today, Randy called with his congratulations. We had a really good conversation, he was very gracious. Randy waged a spirited campaign, and he and his supporters can be proud of their efforts. Dr. Boz wishes Randy McHuddleson all his best wishes.

The people have spoken, and Dr. Boz is humbled by the trust and the confidence of the students. With that trust comes a duty to serve, and he will do his best to fulfill that duty every day as your President.

Dr. Boz is proud to lead such an amazing school, and he is proud to lead it forward.

Dr. Boz knows how many of you are wary of Slodobberetch, and he believes that with time and the aid of the faculty, we will fight this war on stench with every resource we have, so the students can live in freedom, peace and clean air.

Dr. Boz also plans to use the money donated by the Frito-Lay company to put and vending machine IN EVERY HALL!

Reaching these goals will require the broad support of the ENTIRE student body. So today Dr. Boz wants to speak to every person who voted for my, I mean his, opponents: To make this school stronger and better I, no, he, HE will need your support, and HE will work to earn it. HE will do all HE can do to deserve your trust, because when we come together and work together, there is no limit to the greatness of Psyhigh.

The campaign has ended, and Psychic High School goes forward with confidence and faith. Dr. Boz sees a great day coming for our country and he is eager for the work ahead.
 

2005-5-1   Jimmy_S

I have finally learned my first lesson. About my power. I think I got an A.

I came to this school originally because I failed. Last year, the skunk thing started to happen to me and a man came to my house. A man from the Native American Shape Changing Society (the NASCS). My mom let him in because she didn't know what to do. Neither did I.

The man from the NASCS knew what was happening to me. He tried to help me. He gave me a special chance. He burned sage. He said he could help me control my changes. It was like going through a tunnel. We were in the woods, and all these different animals appeared. The deer. The racoon. The fox. I felt like I was supposed to do something. But they all turned away. I couldn't do it. I gave up.

So I came to PsyHigh. Thinking they could make it stop. But it didn't. You know that.

I slept in the woods for awhile, and I started to figure it out. I just let it happen, and realized it wasn't so scary. For most of last month I've been getting comfortable with it, and now I can control it pretty well. I can be the skunk when I want. And a human when I want.

In all the mix up with the dorms I swapped rooms with somebody from Elysian Hall. So now I've got an indoor room again. That's cool.

But there was still that deal with wretched-betty and the sewage slug thing. I just couldn't let it go.

So last night I turned into the skunk and went exploring. Back out to the stinky cesspool place. I was waddling around. Sniffing for clues. Suddenly, IT appeared.

Slodobberetch. Whatever.

It hurled itself out of the woods. Towards the cesspool. Not sure if it was really after me or if I was just in its way. I mean, I'm not very imposing when I'm a skunk. Just a couple of pounds. But I turned tail and got ready to give it a squirt. Just reflexes really.

But it froze. The giant, 9 foot tall, suddering, dripping, slug made out of scum and poop, whatever it was - it just froze there halfway ready to pounce on little old me.

Then I smelled the sage. And it was like I was looking down a tunnel. And I saw an animal. A badger.

A 12 foot badger.

I don't really know much about the animals in the woods. Maybe I should learn. But I don't think there are normally 12 foot badgers that stand on their hind legs in the woods around PsyHigh. But there it was.

I rolled out of the way under some blackberry.

There was a fight. The giant sewage-slug demon and a 12 foot badger. It didn't last long. There was a flash. A splash. And a stink. After it was over, it was just me and wretched-betty.

Don't know where the badger went. The sewage slug got sent to kingdom come. But there was a pretty confused and shaken up wretched-betty. Naked, shaking, and covered with crap.

I turned back into my human form - and a gentleman - and helped her back to the dorms.

In all the craziness of the last couple of weeks, I forgot to vote in the elections. So I didn't really have much to say about that. But I got betty up to her hall and back to her room. She doesn't seem to have quite the crowd she used to hanging around.

I guess that's it. I guess that's why we come to this school. To find out who we really are. Not sure I'm that far yet. But I think I'm starting to get there.